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This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at UPRM chapter.

Dear Anxiety:

Today is one of those days where I feel alone. Where life feels like breathing while being dead. One of those days where my emotions are silent. My voice is nothing but quiet, yet my thoughts are at the edge of collapsing. Can’t breathe, I’m trapped in this corner people intend to call life.

When I seek comfort and peace, you are the only one there, telling me that I will never make it, making everything I do seem so useless. You make me feel scared and unworthy of every opportunity that comes my way, as if being successful made no sense, because I will never be good enough. Nothing is or will ever be good enough to actually reach your expectations, so for a while, I stopped trying: I cancelled my ideas and unplugged my emotions, so I could  do things your way, which, of course, resulted in not doing anything at all.

Because of this, I wrote this letter. To thank you. Thank you for being the one who always made sure my dreams weren’t too high. I thank you for destroying everything I ever believed in, but most of all, thank you for always making me walk with my feet on the ground and cutting my wings so I could never fly. I have learned that there’s nothing worse than what you do to me.

I have always believed that I had no control over you, and that’s because I don’t. But you know what? That’s okay, you are the one with the power, master. I have accepted that you will always be a part of me. Therefore I have accepted myself, or I am trying to. You and I are in  a long-term relationship, so it’s about time I learn to acknowledge the fact that I wouldn’t be where I am if it wasn’t for you.

I’m done feeling sorry for myself; you already do a pretty good job at that. I will do what I want to do, even if you make me feel as though I shouldn’t, like today. I will finish this letter, because I need you to know that no matter what you cause, I will keep trying. You will make me feel like giving up. And who knows, maybe at some point I will, but I will always keep in mind the times I didn’t give up because I knew life has something better planned for me so I should save my energy. I won’t let you win.

Everything you make me go through won’t matter, because life is more important and I believe in myself. I will show you what I can do. In fact, I’ll show both of us.

Because for once, I love myself.

With love,

Me

 

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Jennifer Mojica Santana is an undergraduate student at the University of Puerto Rico, Mayaguez Campus (UPRM). She is currently pursuing a degree in English with a concentration in Literature, and minor studies in Project Management and Writing and Communications. Mojica Santana has written for UPRM's chapter of the online magazine Her Campus since March 2015. She served as the chapter's Senior Editor from January 2016 through May 2016. From June 2016 through October 2017, Mojica Santana was the chapter's co-Campus Correspondent and co-Editor-in-Chief. During the summer of 2917, she conducted research at Brown University. Currently, she is a visiting student at Brown University.