Sometimes speaking up is harder than it seems. For those of us who struggle with vocalizing our emotions openly (and loudly), the thought of having to stand up for ourselves seems more difficult and frightening than the most impossible tasks. We could climb Mount Everest barefoot and swim across the sea in a day, but when it comes to defending ourselves from injustice or mistreatment, we suddenly believe we are incapable of such a feat. Human relationships are very complex. Oftentimes the inevitable fear of rejection or other unexpected outcomes that follow confrontation will lead us to keep quiet in circumstances when we should be the loudest. The day may come where we find ourselves in situations that make us uncomfortable without a clear way out other than making an attempt to communicate our feelings. Whether it’s at school, work, within our friend groups, or even within our own families, we must establish that we are people worthy of respect by speaking up for ourselves when necessary. Although everybody has their own process, there are a few things to keep in mind as we journey towards advocating for ourselves freely, openly, and (most importantly) shamelessly:
- Starting Off by Saying No
Saying “no” to people every now and then is the perfect place to start in terms of standing up for yourself. It may seem harsh, but it can come in handy in most situations where less is more. We don’t always have to do what others want us to do or navigate situations in which we don’t feel comfortable. Despite the fact that “no” is such a small word, it holds quite a lot of power. It can help us slowly establish the confidence needed for more elaborate displays of self-advocacy. At the end of the day, we have to remember that “no” is a complete sentence, regardless of whether people like it or not.
- Validating Our Feelings
We cannot be coaxed into silence by worrying about what others may think or say about our thoughts and emotions. If something is bothering us, it means it’s important to us in some way. Most importantly, it means that it’s a real issue that needs to be addressed. We have every right to feel and we have every right to express those feelings. We are not overthinking, overreacting, or being dramatic by defending ourselves when others are disrespecting, upsetting, or placing us in uncomfortable situations. Our feelings are valid and should not be minimized or ignored by others, let alone by ourselves.
- Communication is Not Confrontation
Nowadays, people equate communication with confrontation way too much. Telling someone that they’ve upset us and verbalizing our feelings should not be immediately perceived as us trying to “pick a fight.” If someone is not hearing us out and claiming we are just “stirring the pot,” they are most likely struggling to communicate their own emotions on the matter. We can always wait a bit and try again. Communication is a multilayered process that takes time and effort from all parties involved. We cannot let an initial bad interaction discourage us from trying to communicate openly with others.
- Speaking Our minds Fearlessly
We deserve to be heard. We cannot let fear keep us from speaking up and defending ourselves. Sometimes that same fear is the push we need to finally find our voice and take action. It’s okay to be afraid of what might happen, but we cannot let it keep us from doing what’s right. Sometimes our voice can make a difference. How can we do that if we’re too scared to speak up?
- Embracing Our Boundaries
Establishing boundaries is an inevitable part of the self-advocating process. If our attempts to communicate our feelings are met with ignorance, resistance, or other negative reactions, we can always establish a clear, undisputed boundary with someone to preserve our inner peace. Sometimes the best way to speak up is to build a solid barrier between ourselves and those who refuse to listen to what we have to say.
The road to openly advocating for ourselves is rather difficult, but it is one worth walking through. Standing up for ourselves fearlessly and proudly is something that can be achieved if effort and resilience are applied. However, we have to remember to take it one day at a time. Open communication is a very important part of human expression and we cannot have that if we stay quiet when things go wrong or when something rubs us the wrong way. The key to building lasting relationships with others is to talk, even if the conversation is a bit uncomfortable. To be able to exist properly with one another we have to start by learning when and how to speak up.