Nine No Bullsh*t Self-Care Solutions

You’ve heard people tell you to meditate or do a face mask endless times to relax and treat yourself, and while these things may work for a lot of people, others need to take a different approach. Some self-care solutions aren’t as obvious but have the same, if not, a greater effect on our mental health and overall health. That’s where these zero-bullsh*t self-care solutions can come in handy. 

Ditch The Caffeine 

No matter how yummy your Dunkin’ Donuts order is, or how you believe you absolutely cannot get through the day without your almond milk cold brew, I promise, you can and you should try it. Before you grab your coffee mug that says “Don’t talk to me before my morning coffee,” try going without it. Coffee is not only a stimulant that boosts your heart rate and anxiety levels, but it also has some serious glow-down factors. Coffee is known to stain your teeth yellow and it may cause acne depending on your add-ins, like sugar and dairy. Depending on whether you buy your coffee, or make it, it can also be quite the money pit. Save your money and your precious pearly whites. 

Listen To New Music

There’s nothing worse than having the same three songs on repeat unless you’re listening to “She”, “Lights up”, and “Adore You” from Harry Styles’ “Fine Line” album; I can get behind that. On the other hand, if you’re stuck listening to a playlist you made a month ago every day with the same songs, it’s time for some new songs. For my Spotify people, one of the best ways to explore new music is by using the “Discovery Weekly” feature. This generated playlist suggests new songs to you every week based on the type of music you like listening to. I’m using this feature right now as I’m writing this. I’ve found some of my favorite artists through exploring new music on my own and taking suggestions from friends and family. Having new music to listen to is a wonderful feelingー one that is tough to beat. 

Take “That” Shower For No Reason

We all know “that” pre-hookup/date shower. It’s the one where you shave everything, wash, tone, and deep condition your hair, scrub your feet until they’re perfectly smooth, exfoliate your entire body, play your favorite playlist, and most likely use up all of the hot water. That’s not it, though. You can’t forget to moisturize with your favorite scented body butter, pluck your eyebrows, maybe even wax, and make yourself smell like a freshly picked bouquet of flowers with your perfume of choice. Now, it’s not every day that we have time to do all of this in one shower-sesh. Ain’t nobody got time for that, especially if you’re going to work or class an hour later. This extra long shower is usually associated with “getting the goods,” or “going to pound-town.” However, why not just treat yourself with one of these showers for just you, even if you’re not getting any action later on? Everyone can agree how amazing it feels to be as smooth as a baby’s bum and smell like a Victoria’s Secret store. Seriously, you’ll feel like a million bucks. 

Take A Different Route To Class

Ugh, you’ve got class in 15 minutes and it’s time to walk past all the same buildings, garbage cans, and frat boys telling you to pie them in the face with shaving cream for a dollar. Routine sometimes makes you feel like you’re in a time warp and the universe is a simulation and that we are basically Sims being played by some higher power. Just me? Well, anyway, maybe it’s time to take a little detour from your routine. Looking at different surroundings, different buildings, and different people is a great idea for boosting your mental health in a positive way. 

Punch Something (That Won’t Break)

Sometimes we just need to let out some anger. One fun way to do this is by beating the cr*p out of a pillow, or some other inanimate object that won’t shatter into a million pieces. This can be some serious self-care, especially for when you’re feeling your absolute worst. If some Chad broke your heart, just pretend that a nice firm pillow is his face, and go to town. Your pillow will forgive you. Just don’t forget to say sorry to it, because, at the end of the day, it’s there to support you (literally.)

Masturbate

There, I said it. Sorry, not sorry. Masturbation is a great way to get your mind off the stresses of a long day, or it could even be a great way to start your day. Science can even back up the fact that masturbating is an effective way to fight off those negative thoughts and is overall a healthy and fun self-care solution. Having an orgasm, solo or with a partner not only makes you feel good, but it also can induce sleep due to the fact that it decreases the body’s stress hormone, cortisol, making it easier to relax and catch some Z’s. Just make sure your roommate won’t be coming back from class when you decide to “decrease your cortisol levels.” That would be pretty awkward. 

Talk To Yourself (Like a Crazy Person)

You may think that talking to yourself, whether it’s out loud or in your head, is reserved for crazy people, but it’s actually a strangely excellent way to calm yourself down in a time of panic or stress. It’s also beneficial to talk to yourself in a mirror and compliment yourself. Positive affirmations and compliments from others are always nice to receive, but you also deserve to hear it from yourself as well. These affirmations don’t have to be about your appearance, they can be motivational affirmations to get yourself through the day. Before you take off for an exam or job interview, try looking into a mirror and saying “You got this!” You don’t need anyone to boost your confidence, you can do it yourself. However, I believe in you, girl. You got this!

Redecorate Your Room/Environment 

Do you ever get bored with your room or office space? It’s looked the same way for too long and you just feel like you need a change. I’ve been there plenty of times, and have moved my bedroom around maybe five times in the past year. One time, I even decided to give my room a makeover at two in the morning on a school night my senior year of high school. Sometimes we get bored with our environment, and with this boredom comes a lack of motivation to do what we need to do. Also, redecorating or rearranging your bedroom is a less permanent decision than coloring or cutting your hair. Let’s be honest here, us girls love making some pretty harsh decisions when we are going through tough times, and it usually results in a new piercing, tattoo, or hairstyle. Before you decide you want to dye your hair blue and pink and get a septum piercing, try moving your bed around, clearing your floor of half-dirtied laundry, or hanging up some decorations. Then if you still want to dye your hair blue and pink, go for it. You only live once.

Leave Your Environment 

So you’ve changed your bedroom or dorm room up several times and you still feel unmotivated or bored? Maybe you should try leaving your environment for a little while. It’s easy to stay tucked away in bed for hours on end when you’re not feeling your best, but sometimes you just need to escape the environment for a few hours. I’m not talking about going to class or getting lunch, I’m talking about going on a little day-vacation. Pack a little bag, grab some friends, and go on a beach trip, ice-skating, or go to the nearest city. Staying in one place for too long can make you feel trapped, so it’s ideal to get away for a bit, get some fresh air and most importantly, have fun!

Sometimes we overthink self-care; we follow popular trends and then wonder why they don’t have an impact. It may feel nice to put a face mask on and drink some chamomile tea, but there’s even simpler, costless, self-care solutions that work just as well. No bullsh*t!

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