At the start of every year, most of us sit down and write resolutions. We think about what we want for ourselves in the new year. Whether big or small, many of us focus on the same few things: going to the gym, eating healthier, or maybe discovering a new hobby. For 2023, my New Year’s resolution was titled Metamorphosis. I was aiming for a larger concept, wanting to have fun with it. I even bought jeans with “Metamorphosis” embroidered on them to mark the occasion.
I really wanted to transform — into what, I wasn’t sure. Looking back now, I’m not exactly positive about what triggered my yearning for change, but I just wanted to become a different person. At the time, I thought of it very superficially. I wanted to go to the gym, be healthier, and essentially romanticize my usual New Year’s resolutions to motivate myself into actually following through.
I’ll be honest — 2023 came and went, and I didn’t feel like much had changed. In fact, I felt like I had become unhealthier. Quick background: throughout my life, I’ve always felt like I’ve stayed the same. I imagine that people who met me 10 years ago could talk to me today and think, “Alo is still the same old gal.” My core values have remained intact, which is why I’ve often felt like I haven’t grown much. However, I’ve learned to give myself a bit more credit and grace. I’ve truly changed so much over the years, though I do think the essence of who I am is still the same. I’ve somehow become kinder, take things less personally, and am less self-righteous. I’ve learned when to pick and choose my battles.
In my earlier 20s and late teens, I was very self-righteous. I thought I had to fight for every cause and die on every hill. Now that I’ve recently turned 23, I’ve realized that not every battle is worth fighting. I’ve also realized that the best I can do is educate myself, educate those who want to learn, and fight for certain rights. But engaging in day-to-day arguments with people who won’t change their minds has only drained me spiritually and emotionally.
Back to 2023. When the year came to a close, I thought I hadn’t changed. But recently, someone from my past reached out and asked if I thought I had grown or changed in the last four years. Reflecting on that, I realized…I had. I’ve gone through so many awful but also great things that transformed my love for and empathy toward people. It shifted how much grace I give to others and to myself. It taught me not to take things so personally and to understand that people often treat others the way they treat themselves. I thought my metamorphosis for 2023 started in January, but with more reflection, I’ve realized it actually began in October 2023. And while it hasn’t ended, I do feel like it’s come full circle now, in October 2024.
This realization has made me think about how growth isn’t linear. I expected my metamorphosis to start at the beginning of the calendar year, but life had other plans. Life loves to take unexpected turns, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. I’ve recently learned to accept that many things that happen to us are actually for us—our growth, well-being, and development. Don’t get me wrong, life can be awful at times. I don’t want to invalidate or discredit the horrible things that happen, but I do believe that the person I am today is partially a result of those tough experiences. Those moments where I had to pick myself back up, with no one to turn to, shaped who I am.
I’ve also realized that I used to be spiteful in my growth. It might sound confusing, so let me elaborate. I used to persevere and be strong because I had no other choice — the alternative was to become as bitter as the people who hurt me. So, I was graceful, nice, and resilient, but deep down, I resented having to be that way. I felt angry because I didn’t need to be this strong; I didn’t want to be this strong. I recently had a moment of clarity, prompted by my best friend asking me if I loved myself. I thought the question was absurd. I told her, “I don’t engage in negative self-talk, I don’t think I’m awful, and I actually think I’m amazing — one of the best people you’ll ever meet. I do good by others and myself, so no, I don’t hate myself.”
But as I was talking, I realized something. I don’t hate myself, but I also don’t actively love myself. I just am. I’ve been so selfless, seeing myself as a vessel for others, that I’ve neglected to truly care for myself. One of my main missions now is to discover what self-love means for me — to be resilient and strong because I respect and love myself, not because I was forced to be.
As I envisioned 2024, I saw it going completely differently than it has. I thought by fall, I would have moved in with my boyfriend, finished school, and strengthened my family relationships. I imagined myself on the path to medical school. Now, here I am, mid-fall 2024, having gone through two hurricanes in Florida. I’m no longer with my partner, I’ve moved but not because I wanted to, I’m still trying to finish my undergrad, and my aspirations have shifted away from medical school. I’m now exploring the idea of getting a master’s in public health — a career that speaks to me deeply.
On the bright side, I’ve deepened friendships, continued to explore myself, and found beauty in how this year has turned out so differently from what I had planned. Despite the unexpected turns, I’ve found peace that I wasn’t feeling at the beginning of the year. Looking back, I think I’m finally emerging from my cocoon, hopefully turning into a beautiful butterfly.
The last nine months of 2024 have been emotionally challenging yet transformative. I’ve reflected on my relationships with my family, friends, and ex-partner, and it’s been eye-opening — not just regarding their behaviors but also my own.
All this to say, life takes crazy turns. Not that you asked for my advice, but based on this past year of intense growth, here are my tips:
- Don’t take things personally: People treat you the way they treat themselves, trust me on this.
- Let things play out: Sometimes, it’s not worth your time to worry and cry. I’ve cried more in the last year than I ever have, and while it was cathartic and necessary, much of that time was spent worrying about things I couldn’t control.
- Disengage when necessary: Not all relationships are meant to last forever. When something feels off, speak up. If it can’t be repaired, disengage for your own well-being. I’ve learned that as much as I love unconditionally, I need to set boundaries, or people will take advantage of me.
- Live in the now: It sounds cliché, but truly take the time to discover yourself, pamper yourself, and care for yourself. If you want to try a new hobby or sleep for 14 hours, do it!
I’m not sure what I’ll name my New Year’s resolution this time or if I’ll even have a theme. All I wish for myself — and for anyone reading this — is growth. So much growth and maturity, because it’s one of the most rewarding and peaceful experiences I’ve had the honor and pleasure of having.