Talking to people about love can be complicated. After all, we all experience love differently, which means the way we talk about it and the advice we give others can vary just as much. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, “I couldn’t help but wonder, when it comes to love, whose advice should we trust?” From my experience, there are romantics, skeptics and self-lovers, each with their own unique take on relationships.
I like to think of my mother as a romantic. She believes that if you love someone you go for it. She doesn’t believe in conflict; in her eyes, very few things can beat true love. Romantics believe that having someone care for your heart is one of life’s ultimate victories.Â
Then there are skeptics. Skeptics have a hard time trusting love and often make you question your relationships. They aren’t opposed to the people you like, but they aren’t fully supportive either. Many of the skeptics I have met are people with broken hearts who want to believe in love but are afraid of getting hurt.
I consider self-lovers the most independent of the three. They prioritize their own needs and encourage you to do the same. For them, maintaining a strong sense of self is essential. While they are open to love, they are selective and know exactly what they want and don’t want, and are willing to wait for the right person to come along.Â
To illustrate how the romantic, the skeptic and the self-lover respond to love in real life, consider the following scenario: you are listening to one of your friends complain about someone who never seems to reach out first or initiate any conversation. Here’s how each of them might respond:
Romantics will likely tell you to send another text, regardless of who sent the last one. Skeptics, on the other hand, will advise you to move on — after all, who wants to worry about someone’s texting habits in a relationship? Meanwhile, self-lovers will suggest holding off on texting to see how they respond to your silence, and they’ll remind you not to settle if you’re feeling unsatisfied.
It is no secret that love has evolved over time. Modern love is all about texts instead of letters and video calls rather than dates. If we were to ask our grandparents how to handle someone not texting us back, they would look at us, puzzled, and propose we show up at their front door. Maybe that’s the way it should be.Â
But here’s the thing: there’s no one-size-fits-all answer when it comes to love. People dish out advice based on their experiences, and we each interpret it through our own lens. So, instead of agonizing over whose suggestions to follow, perhaps we should focus on what feels right for us, no matter what others think.Â
At the end of the day, the most important conversations about love might just be the ones you have with yourself.