‘Girl, so confusing’: The Complexity of Female Friendship

Charli XCX’s Brat, a beacon of pop-diva attitude and gritty, glitzy beats, for many is a push back against the expectation placed on women to be needlessly apologetic, self-deprecating, and demure. One song in particular gained traction when fans concluded it was written about her friendship with fellow female artist, Lorde. Charli corroborated this fact by coming out with a remix of the song “Girl, so confusing featuring lorde”. The track follows their inner thoughts and insecurities, and speaks to the complex pain of womanhood and navigating it together. 

Charli begins by expressing her confused, contradicting thoughts as to whether Lorde hates or loves her; emphasizing how their mutual distrust and insecurity is ironically the thing that connects them. In the cutthroat music industry, it is seen as beneficial to one artist if another is “falling over and failing” especially in an environment that seeks to pit women against each other. 

Yeah, I don’t know if you like me

Sometimes I think you might hate me

Sometimes I think I might hate you

Maybe you just wanna be me

…

People say we’re alike

They say we’ve got the same hair

…

Can’t tell if you wanna see me

Falling over and failing

And you can’t tell what you’re feeling

I think I know how you feel

This first verse and pre-chorus give away Lorde’s identity as the muse of the song; fans quickly made the connection between the artists and their famously similar hair. This line brings to light the tendency for women to be categorized, assessed, and appraised by their physical characteristics before anything else about them. People have compared Charli XCX and Lorde throughout their careers, although their music and personas are entirely different from each other. Ultimately, they are boiled down to the summation of their distinctive features. 

Well, honestly, I was speechless

When I woke up to your voice note

You told me how you’d been feeling

Let’s work it out on the remix

Here Lorde illustrates that we often assume how other people are feeling in a subconscious effort to protect ourselves from what we fear they might say. While Charli had convinced herself that Lorde felt so strongly as to hate her, her verse proves that she was unaware Charli thought of her at all. 

‘Cause for the last couple years

I’ve been at war with my body

I tried to starve myself thinner

And then I gained all the weight back

I was trapped in the hatred

And your life seemed so awesome

I never thought for a second

My voice was in your head

Continuing through Lorde’s verse, she elaborates on how her personal struggles over the past few years have taken a toll on her. She explains that her mind has been occupied by her attempts to contend with her mental health, public pressure, and the societal disadvantages of womanhood. Lorde continues by elaborating on her struggles in her relationship with food and her body, a common issue for young women. As Lorde puts it, “being at war” with one’s body is such an all-consuming, intense experience that it was the most notable part of her last few years, as well as a distraction from her relationships. 

“Girl, you walk like a bitch”

When I was ten, someone said that

And it’s just self-defense

Until you’re building a weapon

She believed my projection

And now I totally get it

Forgot that inside the icon

There’s still a young girl from Essex

Lorde then talks about her experience being perceived as a “b*tch” throughout her life because of her demeanor and self-expression. This self-defensive attitude is something most girls learn to hone out of necessity. Many can relate to the experience of trying to look unapproachable while walking down a dark street, being catcalled, or being told to smile by men that expect to be pleased. Lorde explains that her projection of aloofness was a defense mechanism, though it ended up alienating people she did not intend. She comments that in her efforts to protect herself, she lost sight of the fact that not everyone was out to get her. 

It’s you and me on the coin

The industry loves to spend

And when we put this to bed

The internet will go crazy

I’m glad I know how you feel

‘Cause I ride for you, Charli 

The final pre-chorus includes Charli and Lorde explaining that they are two sides of the same coin being used by the music industry. This line speaks to the larger message of the song while also poking fun at the irony of its existence. The singers’ personal lives being profited off of  is the perfect example of how they are two sides of a coin the industry loves to spend, being used by it and benefiting from it simultaneously. 

After years of build-up, Charli XCX and Lorde were able to work it out on the remix. The song created a space for women to express their frustration, anger, and the genuine confusion that comes with being a girl. As a woman myself, I can say that “Girl, so confusing featuring lorde” is a testament to many of the most relatable pains of womanhood, as well as the value of looking out for the women in our own lives.