It’s hard to own up to something about yourself when that something is the driving force behind a lot of the problems you face. For me, that something is that I am an unapologetic overthinker. Except now, I am starting to feel regretful for the way my overthinking has taken over my life.
Not to sound too dark, but I honestly don’t remember a time when my mind wasn’t racing with millions of thoughts at once. I believe I’ve hit a point where my body is simply running out of the energy it needs in order to keep up with this way of thinking.
For those of you who also overthink, I hope you know what I mean when I say that I don’t think I have it in me to keep living like this. In other words, I need to figure out a way to fix this problem because I’m starting to see how it has taken a toll on my relationships with the ones I love.
To be completely honest, it’s hard writing this because admitting to the fact that my overthinking has surpassed just hurting me, but that it has now started hurting those around me is a scary thing to admit to.
For a while, I didn’t even realize that my overthinking could ever impact anyone besides myself, I mean to be fair they’re my own thoughts in my own head. I see now though that once I let these thoughts spill out from my mind for others to take in, it’s like letting someone drink poison.
A lot of the time, for me personally, I tend to be wrong about the things I’m overthinking. I believe that I only overthink because I want to conjure up a reason to be upset with myself or, maybe even more concerningly, to be upset with someone else.
Regardless how many times the people I love tell me that I’m just overthinking, they get hurt over and over again because my mind simply won’t stop; at this point, it feels like I’m subconsciously addicted to the pain and the sadness that manifests from this problem of mine.
It’s important to note that I have absolutely no intention to hurt the people around me, but I’m not sure how much that matters anymore since I haven’t been able to stop.
As much as I want to end this on a high note with a motivational message to help those who feel like this. I’m not sure how inspirational I can be, but I’ll give it my best shot. This is mostly because I haven’t made that much progress in trying to rectify this harmful dilemma, at least not yet.
With that in mind, I don’t want to lie to you, especially those of you who relate to this. So, to continue with my candid approach to this topic, I know this will be a long journey and I’m unsure if I will ever be able to stop overthinking or even gain control over it, but I need to have hope and I have to try.
If you, as I am, are trying to ease this tension in your life, just know we will get through this in whatever way we are able to. With that, I will say that you should not blame yourself and that you are not a bad person for overthinking, I can promise you that.