*Spoilers Ahead
Considering I previously spoke about my love for Letterboxd, it’s only fitting that my next item for discussion is a film I watched. On a three hour flight to Boston, I had the opportunity to watch Past Lives, a 2023 semi-autobiographical film directed by Celine Song. My finger immediately clicked on the movie as I’d been waiting to watch it for over a year. When the movie first came out, based on the reviews, I knew that it would be something that directly spoke to my inner being.
For context, I’m a realistic hopeless romantic — realistic in the sense that, in the real world, I should always keep my expectations low. However, at the same time, a small sliver of my heart enjoys a cheesy trope, a large gesture, and the idea of happily ever after. I’m particularly enamoured with the idea of first love. I’m aware that very few people end up with their first love, but the emotions that surround a first love are so pure and strong. I also find beauty in the aftermath of your first love. Due to the intensity of the relationship, something inside of you changes, and even as you move on, a piece of you will always be left behind. Yet the growth you experience after moving on from your first love is an true example of the beauty of life. Regardless of what happens, we keep growing and one day, when you encounter your first love again, you look back at the relationship with a bittersweet fondness, knowing what happened was needed to get where you are now. Even as I type, I realize how idyllic my description comes off and that moving on is not a simple or linear journey.Â
For someone who feels so passionately about first loves, a movie dedicated to the reconnection between two childhood friends should be a perfect fit for me. I am disappointed, and feel a little guilty, to say it wasn’t. While the movie had all of the perfect elements, the direction, the acting, and the sets, I didn’t feel any conviction towards their relationship. To provide some context, Nora is a Korean immigrant who was friends with Hae Sung before moving to Canada with her family. They virtually reconnect twelve years later as now Nora is an aspiring playwright in New York City while Hae Sung is studying to be an engineer after completing his mandatory Korean military service. Nora decides to once more cut communication between them as she believes she is losing focus in her career, shortly after which she meets her future husband. Another twelve years pass and Nora and Hae Sung finally reunite in NYC in person. During this in-person reunion, Nora manages a few different things. She comes to terms with the differences between her as a Korean immigrant versus Hae Sung as a Korean citizen. She pushes Hae Sung towards making long term family plans. She comforts her husband’s insecurities as someone who is not Korean, therefore not being able to understand her in a way that a fellow Korean might.Â
Quite a few of my close family and friends are part of interracial couples and I can say that interracial relationship between Nora and her husband didn’t feel authentic. While it’s understandable for him to be jealous, there’s a certain understanding when entering into such a relationship that while such a gap may exist, the two individuals overcoming it is a true sign of love. Even with cultural barriers in place, understanding existing between two individuals is a true sign of dedication within the relationship. As someone who grew up seeing that, the husband’s jealousy felt like a way to tell the audience how strong the connection was between Nora and Hae Sung. Rather than the audience feeling the tension and the unspoken words between Nora and Hae Sung, it was almost as if they were told. It felt like at all points of the movie, I was being told what to feel rather than actually feeling it. To me, it felt as if Nora and Hae Sung were two best friends that once had the potential to be something more. Now, the potential had dried to nothing and it remained as an awkward reminder, similar to a bad stain that will never be removed from an article of clothing. Yet, the dialogue indicated that I should be feeling pure devastation at how their relationship turned out, when I simply wasn’t.Â
Rather than being viewed as a commentary on first loves, the movie should be used as an example of the immigrant experience. When one moves to a new country at such a young age, it’s almost as if two personalities develop. You are permanently pulled between each one and you simply alternate based on convenience. The movie opens with Nora at a bar with her husband and Hae Sung, having to be the unofficial translator between the two. The subtle code switching that occurs as she goes between each man is truly the biggest highlight of the movie.Â