Within life, fostering relationships is only natural. There will come times where friendships with others are abundant, and others in which you are forced to reflect in a more individualistic, alone time. Regardless, maturity comes in senses of self-actualization and understanding of oneself. The way one interacts with others and how evidently attached they present themselves and actually are, are known as attachment styles.
As there are a multitude of them, the three prominent styles are secure, anxious, and avoidant. Attachment styles are defined as including psychological and social components in which people cultivate and maintain connections with others. Knowing who I am as a person and how I interact with others in this fashion has helped me create such an authentic friendship and relationship environment around me. Such styles are evoked from personal or natural characteristics, surroundings growing up, and current situations in life.
Anxious attachment style is generally seen as showing distress within the aspect of perception and over analyzation of friends’ or significant others’ actions. It feels as though there is a constant threat to the stability of the friendship or romantic relationship and there are signs of distress or anxiety when these perceived threats are present. For example, thinking that your friends are constantly mad at you and will stop being friends with you if you slip up or make a mistake once.
Avoidant attachment may present itself as independence and increased fear of intimacy or emotional vulnerability. Excessive autonomy is present and some even completely refuse to ask for help from others in difficult situations. Lastly, secure attachment is when self-worth is on the highest pedestal or level for a person, and they are incredibly solidified with their relationships around them. This is conveyed through manageable emotion regulation and general lack of stress or unease in the friendships or bonds made with others.
Within this realm of discussion, none of these are inherently negative and if you find one of these resonating with you more than others, there are resources available for further analysis or maybe even therapy to discuss any emotions that arise from this. A book recommendation for those who want to seek further delving or comprehension on the topic and how it applies to adult or late teenage life is “Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How it Can Help you Find-and Keep- Love” by authors Amir Levine MD and Rachel S.F. Heller MA.
As a personal take, ever since I was younger, I have suffered with severe anxiety, and it has impeded massively on the relationships I make with others. After years of therapy and learning to maintain love and peace within myself, my attachment styles have evolved, and I am honestly so content with those I have in my life.
Never settle for less loves,
Jess