“Get over it.”
“You never even dated anyway.”
These are some phrases that are thrown at you when you finally come to realize that the person you like just wasn’t that into you.
“Catching feels,” the dreaded moment where you find yourself falling for that person that you may think is the one.
You build this person up in your head like a prize. You start to believe they are perfect and can do no wrong.
One of my best friends used to say to me, “You have windshield wipers on when it comes to him. Eventually, you’ll come to realize how much of a jerk he is.”
Oh, how I wish I could have realized that sooner. Falling for a person who never lets you know where you stand is a game not worth playing.
“I’m not ready for a relationship,” can oftentimes be true. Maybe they aren’t ready or they’ve been hurt in the past. But in my experience, that simply meant: I don’t want you.
Clinging on to the hope that they may change their mind can seriously take a toll on your mental health. Stop overthinking every conversation and every action. More often than not, they aren’t sitting in their bed crying over why you wont text back.
If they have shown many signs of not wanting to commit or move forward with you, it is time to let go.
Easier said than done, I know this because it took me months to get over the last guy, but eventually you will come to realize that he wasn’t even worth all those dark, sad nights.
Below are five tips that can help you get over the person who was never really yours.
One: Delete him off social media
Stop hurting yourself. Seeing how much fun they are having without you isn’t helping. Delete them off Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, or any other social media where you two are connected. You don’t owe them anything so don’t feel obligated to continue to see them on your feed.
Two: Don’t purposely bring them up
In my situation, the boy I liked was part of our friend group. So it’s a no brainer that he is bound to come up in conversation. “He wants to hangout.” “I talked to ***** today.” Your friends probably won’t stop being friends with him just because you two didn’t workout. And that’s okay. But don’t purposely go out of your way to ask “How is ***** doing?” “Have you talked to *****?” Move on. They probably aren’t asking about you.
Three: Find a new hobby to keep you busy
Start working out, read a new book, go out with your friends! Do things that will keep you busy, but also happy, that will keep your mind off that other person.
Four: Be open-minded
Don’t close yourself off to the idea of someone new. Sometimes, while you’ve been putting all your eggs in one basket, someone else has been silently admiring you from afar. But don’t settle! If you aren’t ready for someone new, you’re not ready. For me, falling for someone new helped me realize I was completely over the last guy. But again, don’t find someone new to fill the void. You can be happily single and still be over the last jerk.
Five: Practice self-love
“I wasn’t good enough for them.”
You will repeat this over and over to yourself but it is not true! You deserve to find love and someone who is deserving of your love. Just because they weren’t the one does not mean the right person isn’t out there for you. Because they are. The last thing you should do is tear yourself apart and wonder why you weren’t “his type” or why you weren’t “good enough.” In the end, you are too good for them. And they have the windshield wipers on not realizing how great you are.
I hope these tips will help you move on and find the clarity you need. Get over the jerk. They don’t deserve you.
HCXOXO,
Vanessa Rivera