Grief Is Not Linear

Grief is hard, whether you’ve experienced it or not. When my dad passed away, it was like the world stopped. He was my rock and had a legacy of love and laughter in our family. In everything he did he always put others before himself, he was a strong leader and talked to anyone around, even if he didn’t know them. Not being able to talk to him every day hurts my heart, and sometimes it’s hard to get through the day.  

Throughout this whole experience, my emotions have been up and down with no telling when I would have the lowest lows. That is why I have found different outlets to lift my spirits. Although wallowing in the sadness is sometimes what I need to move past it, I know my dad would have wanted me to still embrace the positives in life, so I have been doing just that.  

Trying Something New 

Amid the pain, sometimes you need to disconnect from the crazy, fast-paced world we live in. My way of doing this was through starting a new hobby, diamond painting. My mom is the one who got me hooked. She went to an event at our local library, then started to do it in her free time, too. One day, we went to Michael’s and bought two different kits to do together. I chose one that had a beautiful lighthouse because it reminded me of one my favorite songs: “Maine” by Noah Kahan.  

While I was doing my painting, I felt my anxiety slip away. For some reason, placing little diamonds on a numbered surface did the trick. Putting all my focus into something creative with an end goal took my mind off of all the negative feelings and circumstance. This was something I had never done before, so I did not know what to expect, making it even more fun.  

Family and Friends  

When faced with grief, family and friends are the best support and have been the biggest sense of comfort for me. My family surrounded me on all sides, to pick me up when I felt like I couldn’t keep going. We were all going through the same thing, so they understood how I was feeling, in turn knowing what helps me feel better. Sometimes I don’t have to say anything, they just knew exactly how I felt, which gave me so much comfort. My friends also dropped everything to just be there for me. Being able to rant to them about how I was feeling, or talk about anything, really helped me process what I was going through. They made me feel validated. Our conversations aren’t always about negative feelings, we also discuss random things going on, that allowed my mind to drift away from the weight of my emotions. 

Journaling My Thoughts 

Before my dad’s passing, I would journal every couple of weeks, but since then I find myself doing it more often. When I journal, it allows me to write out every little thought I have, clearing my head. When I have a clear mind, it gives me the chance to take a breath, and let go of all the feelings I have, putting them in one place so that it doesn’t build up. I find that the time I like to journal best is at night so I can have a fresh mindset before going to sleep. Sometimes, I even drive to my local beach to just sit there and journal while I watch the sunset. Taking it all in, letting my mind stop for a moment.  

Music  

I could talk about how much I love music for hours (not joking), but during this time I found that the songs were all about how the music made me feel. I have always turned to music when I feel sad, whether it is a slow, sad song, or a happy beat to make me feel better. Music has a powerful way of making me feel comforted, where I feel understood with lyrics that I can relate to. Two of the songs that have been on repeat for me lately when I need a good cry are: “Chemtrails” by Lizzy McAlpine and “Still” by Noah Kahan. These songs have touching lyrics that really resonate with my life circumstances, making me feel understood amidst the hardship that I am facing. Music is something that has helped me connect with my feelings for years, and I will continue to turn to it for a sense of peace. 

Grief is Not Linear 

Although these things and the people around me help to comfort me in the sad moments, they will never take away the overarching sadness for good. Grief comes in unexpected waves. One day I may have a great day, full of happiness, and the next it might be hard to get out of bed. That is why I indulge myself in these activities and spend time with my friends and family on those tough days, when I feel it won’t get better. Grief is also different for everyone. What helps me to remain positive may not work for others and that’s ok. Which is why I encourage everyone to explore what they love. For me, grief is a never-ending cycle that seems to be going in a zigzag as opposed to a straight line. Although I know this process will never get easier, I know that my dad is always looking down at me with a huge smile on his face while I do the things I love and remaining as positive as I can. 

• #family
• #loss
• grief
• life
• new things