As a woman I have an intense difficulty with expressing my authentic emotions; I am terrified to be painted as inherently angry or as a “hormonal wreck”. Coined with this underlying anxiety, I am prone to stifling my emotions, especially the more negative ones, such as anger, in fear of an adverse reaction. Anger was the emotion that I wanted to stray the furthest from as a child and especially now as a woman. “Anger isn’t ladylike,” I would constantly hear. “Anger is ugly,” people near me would remark, further cementing my resentment of this necessary emotion. Ever since I was a child, I was told that anger is a big and looming monster who can take control of your entire life if you let it. As I continue to age I realize that anger shouldn’t be viewed as negatively as it is. Anger shouldn’t be reduced to the unfavorable reactions that come out of it but rather it should be inspected to understand what the underlying cause of the anger is.
This article is not an advocate for surrendering yourself to your most base desires but rather a plea to listen and give her the voice to be heard. The goal of listening to your anger is not to kick and scream and feel justified in doing so, simply because you are angry. The goal is rather to listen to that voice inside of you that is generating such intense feelings of anger. What does this anger mean and why is it affecting you?
Contrary to popular belief, anger is the harbinger of not doom but rather justice! Anger is the person deep inside of you that is screaming: “This isn’t right! This person does not deserve to be treated like this!” Although that voice might be screaming at the tops of their lungs inside of you, they have nothing but your best interests at heart. Anger is not satiated with only justification of wrongdoing but rather thrives on the realization that a situation is unjust and deserves authentic repentance. The natural thought is to suppress this, to remain the perfect level of composed even in the face of disrespect yet I’m here to tell you that is the wrong reaction. Listen to your anger and what it means because it can help you understand the true reality of your own feelings. For example, were you truly angry because your sibling ate the last slice of pizza or were your feelings really rooted in hurt and mistrust towards what you considered to be an injustful action? Instead of blowing up at your sibling because you relied on the first emotion you processed, you are now able to communicate your lesser volatile feelings of distrust.
Despite the fact that anger can help when understanding your most base emotions, it can also be a hindrance if you allow it to be. I urge you to listen to your anger, acknowledge its feelings as your own and realize when and where proper action is required.