This is why you’re single

You read Nicholas Sparks

Nicholas Sparks manages to melt your heart with all of his books . . . and his lies!!! He builds you up with all of his beautiful, heart-warming, love stories; complete with his perfectly imperfect southern gentlemen. And then after you finish the book and get back to reality your head’s up in the clouds. After that you wait and wait and wait some more, but nothing happens!!!!! So here you are once again, dissappointed.

You thought he was your friend, he promised you a southern gentleman and the closest you’ve ever gotten to that is a guy with a big truck, in a plaid shirt, singing Blake Shelton.

THIS is why you’re single.

People call you a Stalker

You are NOT crazy. You are NOT a stalker. You just want to make sure that he’s not a psycho sex trafficker or a closet Beanie Baby hoarder. Just because you know that his dog’s name is Chester, that he drinks his coffee black, and that he’s out of milk, doesn’t make you a stalker. He just doesn’t understand!

THIS is why you’re single.

(P.S you may have professed your love a little too early)

You’re a little selective

I don’t think that you’re asking for too much. You want a guy who’s nice but not too nice, smart but not arrogant, who dresses well, has nice skin and teeth, and who’s tall but not a skyscraper. You want him to be funny but not annoying, is that too much to ask?

Ugh,THIS is why you’re single.

You talk to yourself

So you’re sitting in your room watching Gossip Girl reruns when you realize that you’ve been talking to yourself for the past 10 min. As surprising as that may have been, the real revelation is that you don’t care. No one else is around, so you figure WTF you can do what you want. The problem is, now you find yourself occassionally unable to tell if you said something out loud or if it was just in your head.

THIS is why you’re single.

You’re socially inept

You see a cute a guy and think this time, I’m gonna be cool. This time I won’t mess it up. He sees you looking at him and walks over. OMG!! He’s coming to talk to you. Now, he’s in front of you, looking at you expectantly. Did he say something?! You were distracted, what did he say? How do you respond? You try smiling but instead your face twists into an unrecognizable snarl. He is not impressed, he might actually be afraid. He’s gone now, and you’ve done it again.

THIS is why you’re single.

• awkward
• Dear John
• nicholas sparks
• single
• stalkers