Recently, I discovered the concept of Attachment Theory. If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, there are four different “types” that are used to describe people and their methods of dealing with interpersonal relationships. For the most part, you developed your attachment style as a child, but it is always subject to change depending on your situation. Whether you’re strictly one type, or a combination of two, your attachment style says a lot about how you are in a relationship as well as with others in general. I’m not in a relationship, so even if you aren’t, it’s still interesting to see how your attachment style affects you and how you can behave in future relationships. If you are interested in learning more about yourself, check out the link I attached at the end of the article!
The Four Types
1. Secure
- You are comfortable displaying interest and affection, but are also comfortable with being independent
- You know how to prioritize relationships in your life and draw clear boundaries
- You have little to no issues with trusting people and have the ability to move on after rejection or pain
2. Anxious
- You are often nervous and stressed about your relationships
- You need constant reassurance and affection
- You have trouble trusting people, even if you’re close to them
3. Avoidant
- You are very independent, self-directing, and get uncomfortable with intimacy
- You feel suffocated when someone tries to get close to you in a relationship sense (aka you equate intimacy with loss of independence)
- Communication is mainly intellectual, not emotional
4. Unresolved
- You have unresolved emotions due to prior traumas (ex. abuse or dysfunctional relationships)
- Cannot tolerate emotional closeness
- You have a lack of empathy or remorse
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My Results
If you take the test, you’ll see that your result is in the form of a percentage, so it tells you which type you had the most of, and by how much. My results came out to be 60% avoidant with secure being second, which I was not surprised by. For the most part, I exhibit a lot of the traits that avoidant individuals display. I am highly independent in the sense that I enjoy my freedom and only having to worry about myself, I feel secure on my own, and I don’t feel like I am missing anything by not being in a relationship. I have many other priorities that I would rather put before a partner, which is why I choose to be single. However, I do enjoy spending my free time with good friends and always having plans as opposed to being by myself. Exactly like described above, whenever someone tries to get close to me (in a way that’s more than a friendship), I experience the instinct to back away in fear of being “suffocated”. While this may not happen every time, more often than not this is the case for me. However, my second type is secure, because in rare circumstances I am able to achieve the balance found in secure individuals.
After taking the test or analyzing your results, you may be surprised. You may come to some realizations about your current or past relationships that can be helpful to you. If your attachment style has caused you issues in the past (or is currently causing you issues), do not fear because they can change! Although it takes a long time to change your nature, it is possible. Hopefully, going forward you can understand which of your needs come from your personal attachment so you can better communicate in relationships.
Take the test here