There comes a point in every collegiette’s life where there are occasions – a huge event, a tight dress, or spring break – where a 10-pounds less version of yourself sounds absolutely amazing. Even after maintaining a healthy diet and exercising, you aren’t seeing quick enough results, so you have to find something that’ll get the job done. We are a world based on efficiency and instant gratification and you bet your ass I want to instantly see myself looking flawless in any outfit. You end up on some website titled “Skinny Girl” or something along those lines, telling you how drinking just juice for 7 days is going to give you the maximum result and “you’re going to feel amazing!” Once the ‘cleanse’ has been determined and you tell yourself you are more than capable of lasting the whole week, the real fun begins.
I can do this, why would I ever quit?
You begin feeling on top of the world, like you could literally do anything. Anyone who is not on a cleanse is simply not strong enough. The first ‘meal’ or juice has you feeling light, bouncy, and ready to concur your day.
If I pretend this cabbage broth tastes like fettuccini alfredo, I’ll be completely fine.
The next stage of eating the required meal and finding out it tastes like literal and absolute dirt – dirt that you are not allowed to season or it would ruin the cleanse. You tell yourself for the hundredth time already, that you can totally do this.
Oh god, its time for food and all I can eat is this green pulp.
You glance over the meals for the entire week and day and realize nothing today is going to make this any better.
The after-meal-completely-unsatisfied feeling begins to make you think this is how depressed you are going to feel for forever.
You know that happily full high you get after a really perfect meal that you lavish in for hours? Yeah, prepare to never feel that at all throughout this week. You finish every meal by bawling into your broth or juice and being pissed that you ever chose this life for yourself.
“If I distract myself with a busy life I won’t think of how absolutely starving I am.”
Again, you declare that you can’t be beaten and you remind yourself how fabulous you’ll look at the end of the week. You send yourself full-blast into any and all work you have so that you don’t have a second to thing of hungry you are.
Every little thing sends you into a mental breakdown of infuriating levels.
Your coworker, friend, or peer says the word “hi” in a slightly off tone and all of a sudden you sense the beginning of World War III. Everything makes you pissed and you want to scream “ARE YOU KIDDING ME I’VE BEEN SURVIVING OFF OF THE JUICE OF ONE CUCUMBER FOR HOURS DON’T YOU DARE THINK YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH” at anyone who speaks. Basically, things start to become crazy and you realize this is no longer a game.
Exhaustion sets in.
You simply want to cry by how tired you are because no amount of cabbage juice will keep you awake through this 2-hour presentation.
This is what death feels like.
An utter cloud falls over you and you forget what happiness looks and feels like and really… was there even ever a sun?
Realization.
You FINALLY realize what a joke this is. It is just a dress, just a picture, or just a dance; nothing will ever be worth how hungry you feel. You are a young beautiful girl and starving yourself for a week so you can lose some water weight is extremely careless. The day after your event you will binge to excess and gain back all the weight and more just so you can spend the next several weeks working to regulate your body so you can be right back where you started.
Satisfaction.
You finally eat a full meal consisting of everything amazing in your kitchen, which is actually anything. Then, you swear you’ll never do this again and promise to never let one of your friends succumb to such a fad in the beauty world.
End of day 1.