I recently heard a story about my boyfriend, who is a feminist â partly thanks to me â and while everyone laughed at it, I was disturbed. Deeply. Iâve felt that my boyfriend, like many straight men, unknowingly objectifies women. Like I said, heâs learning and he has potential; potential, in my opinion, everybody has. But misogyny, sexism, and objectification towards women are engrained within our culture so deeply that situations like the following go unnoticed and become a story to laugh about later.
When my boyfriend was a bit younger, probably around 20 years old and a bachelor, he and his roommates would use binoculars to see if âhot babesâ were swimming in the pool in their complex. Then, after scouting the area, if a âhot babeâ was down there, theyâd decide it was a good time for a swim. The laughable part of the story was that my boyfriend was caught once, and to this day he and his best friend still laugh about it.
Okay â yeah, I do think spying on girls in bathing suits is creepy. They claimed âinnocentâ because they werenât being Peeping Toms, they were just looking to see if there were cute girls to talk to. Or, the way I see it, cute enough girls to talk to.
I wanted to say: So, if a girl was too overweight down in the pool you wouldnât go for a swim? If she had tan, smooth skin, thatâs sexy, right? So, she gets to have your attention. Her sex appeal must appeal to you and that is all that matters, and Iâm guessing you as a reader didnât even give the term âsex appealâ a second thought. âSex appealâ means that someone is sexy, right? And a âsexyâ person is someone youâd like to have sex with, right? Do you see what is wrong with this picture? I’m going to be blunt. Thoughts do lead to actions. One small step at a time. I don’t give you consent to fantasize about having sex with me. Obviously, I cannot control your thoughts. But continuing to have and support these thoughts, continues the objectification of women, which ultimately leads to assault.Â
Before I continue, I want to emphasize not all men. But men, please take this into consideration, and see if you can join us in this movement for change.
This is how our culture works in every aspect: Men look for the âhottestâ girl and talk to her. And girls, in return, attempt to always be hot. No, Iâm not saying I only dress sexy to get attention from the opposite sex. I often show off some classy cleavage because I like the way I look. I donât always like my figure, but when Iâm feeling myself, Iâm going to wear something tight and short and bless the world with my hot bod. But the idea that I want to look âsexyâ at all, just may stem from being told thatâs all Iâm good for since the beginning. I believe this idea was created by men and is being perpetuated by both men and women.
I do acknowledge that It does go both ways. Girls and boys alike will swipe Left or Right based on appearance. A girl will âfriend zoneâ a guy, saying that heâs nothing more than a brother to her â because heâs too short or too skinny. But it is absolutely not to the same extent. For the most part, women tend to appreciate a manâs attractiveness from a distance. Usually, our first thought does not have to do with seeing him naked, though. If women objectified men in the same manner men objectify women, youâd hear comments such as:
âOooh, check out that dick. I wish his pants were tighter. Iâd like to suck that.â
*Whistles while looking a man up and down, front and back as he walks past you* âDaaayum.â
*Approaches a random stranger at the gas station* âI can tell you work out. These guns are HUGE.â
âOh, Iâm not hot enough for you? Thatâs why you wonât give me your number? Tool.â
I donât believe men realize they are making us feel like a piece of cake or meat when they treat us as such. I think people are better than that. But making a change in our society starts with accepting that there is a problem. As for understanding how it feels to be sexualized every day of my life â and this is no exaggeration â Â I will clear the air right now:
It makes me feel like all Iâm good for is the way I look. And if the way I look doesnât please you, then what am I good for? It makes me feel like Iâm only good for sex, and that sex between us is only about pleasing you. It makes me feel like, in a manâs world, women would do all of the housework, birth children, somehow not have stretch marks from the pregnancy and do it all while dressing âpromiscuously.â But not too promiscuous â because that would make them slutty. I feel that you donât understand our sacrifice. It makes me feel like if Iâm not attractive enough to be a model or on TV, then Iâm not worth anything at all. It makes me feel worthless. I donât feel thatâs your intent. But thatâs the truth.
My period should astound you. My bodyâs daily sacrifice should inspire you. What my body does to fight to keep me alive and potentially keep the human race going â depending on my choices â are reason enough to deserve your respect. Not the way my boobs look, but in what they can do. Not in how my vagina feels to you, but what can develop in my uterus. If I choose not to let anything develop in my uterus, that doesnât take away the physical pain I will continue to feel – or my self-worth. What my body does is incredible. I donât give you permission to objectify me at all, let alone by the way my body looks.
Our bodies are ours. Compliments are so great and please, keep them coming. But please donât decide Iâm approachable because I look âeasyâ to you or I have big boobs and nice lips. Maybe donât scout me out based on my body when youâre peeking through binoculars down at the complexâs pool. Please, donât objectify me because itâs somehow deep within our culture to think thatâs okay. Itâs not. I am a human; an intelligent, emotional, thoughtful human. Simple as that.