When I was 8, I wanted to be 10 so that I could be “double digits.” At 10, I wanted to be 13 — finally a teenager. At 13, I wanted to be 16 so that I could get my driver’s license. Then I was 16 but I wanted to be 18 so I could officially be an “adult.” And of course, at 18 I wanted to be 21 so that I could go to a bar and order drinks, and also because for some unknown reason I thought I would definitely have it all together at 21, since I would nearly be done with college and all.
I think that as kids, we never stop wanting to grow up. Every milestone we hit seems insignificant when we actually hit it because we’re already trying to figure out how to get to the next one a little quicker. Now, I’ll be 21 in a month and I can’t seem to remember why I was in such a rush to get here. I’m aware that I’m still very young, but I already feel like so much of my life is behind me. Though I know this isn’t true, I think that I’m just feeling the weight of the looming presence of the future that exists outside of being in school, as that’s all I’ve known for practically my entire life.
A lot of the time I feel like growing up and establishing independence is more complicated than enjoyable, because it’s pretty easy to feel as though you’re falling behind or missing a million steps. However, this is quite common for college students and anyone in their early or late 20’s, and even much later in life too. It’s not unusual to feel out of place, regardless of age. But I do think that our 20’s can feel like a defining time period, and it can be hard to just live through it without stressing over every big decision and wondering whether it was the right one. I figure that it could be beneficial to get some reminders from those that have gone through many similar experiences and worries that come with this age. So for this article, I decided to ask some people that have already lived through their “young adult” years what they would tell those of us that are just beginning them. Here is what they said:
“Remember what you want and don’t be afraid to ask for it. Use every opportunity to work towards the bigger picture and don’t get stuck. Keep moving forward while keeping an eye on opportunities that might be right in front of you. In short, work it!” -Lisa, 51
“Don’t let the expectations and opinions of other people affect your decisions. It’s your life, not theirs. Do what matters most to you; do what makes you feel alive and happy. Don’t let the expectations and ideas of others limit who you are. If you let other people tell you who you are, you are living their reality — not yours. There is more to life than pleasing people. There is much more to life than following others’ prescribed paths. There is so much more to life than what you experience right now. You need to decide who you are for yourself. Become a whole being. Adventure.” -Diane W., 62
“There’s no reason to rush. Make sure to put yourself first and build your desired life before you decide to start a family because your time, your career, your sleep, and your money will no longer be only yours to spend and prioritize. There’s no rush whatsoever, it will come quick enough!” -Elise, 44
“Don’t be afraid to go after your career passions even if it means leaving a job you took after college that you thought you’d be happy in. Being in your 20’s is the time to try different things and live in different cities. Don’t be afraid of change. I believe that when you’re in your 20’s, you can find yourself. And don’t feel like you should have it all figured out!” -Janet, 57
“Never stop learning…always learn something new: an instrument, a master’s degree, a doctoral degree! Expand your mind, learn about cultures, broaden those horizons! And most importantly stay away from nay-sayers or people that say you can’t do it!” -Debbie, 66
“Go for broke! This is the time in your life to pursue your dreams. Go for the dream job, be a musician, pursue your sport. Once you are in your 30’s you may have to settle down and take the conservative road. Maybe you will get married and have kids and then you must have a job to provide for the family, whether it’s your dream job or not. Hopefully you don’t actually go broke while “going for broke,” but in your 20’s you should have the time of your life trying!” -Ted, 56
“Accept yourself the way you are. Too much energy is spent on comparing yourself to others. There will always be someone more experienced, knowledgeable, or advanced than you and you’ll never measure up if you bring yourself down because of it. Love yourself more, be kind to yourself, and forgive your mistakes.” -Jacki, 53
“Don’t take the opportunities to succeed for granted. Embrace the challenges that come with success and manage up as well as you manage down. If you end up in a large company, think of yourself as an ‘intrepreneur.’ That’s like an entrepreneur — someone who can look for opportunities to create business and success by thinking independently and seeing trends and cashing in on opportunities, but from inside a company. Don’t work FOR somebody, work WITH somebody. And finally, remember this: as someone who has worked for decades in marketing — you are a brand. How you represent yourself is how others see you. Be careful what you post online. Set goals. You don’t know where you’re going unless you’ve mapped out a path. -Seth, 65
“My advice would be not to stress out about planning your life out or making all the perfect little decisions. Life will take you in all kinds of crazy directions, most of which you could never have planned on or dreamed of…and that is perfectly perfect!” -Mary, 57
“Be true to yourself. Be honest to who you are. Your values, your goals, your style, your sense of humor, just all the things that make you, you. With all of today’s outside influences (social media, TV shows, friends, family), a person can be easily swayed to try to fit in and avoid potentially being ridiculed and judged. Friends come and go, but you will always have yourself. Next I would say, enjoy your age and what that age and era of life has to offer. Life moves very quickly. Adulthood is right around the corner. You can enjoy that time when you get there. Being an adult is not as glamorous as it seems from a youth’s eyes. Take some chances…but have a back up plan. Nothing great happens without some failures along the way. And I guess just simply be kind. You are not going to like everyone in your walk of life, but if you are kind to those you encounter, life will fill in the blanks.” -Bob, 61
“Listen to your gut and your inner voice when making big decisions about things like a new job, a relationship, or a place to live. That inner voice is your developing wisdom and anytime I ignored that insight and looked outward for direction and a decision (like asking other people), I regretted not listening to myself and my own wisdom. Everything is going to work out the way it’s meant to. When I graduated college, I thought I’d meet a husband, get engaged, get married, have a wedding, buy a house, and have kids — in that order. Over the years when it did not happen perfectly and in that order (or even at all) I became so upset and felt like a failure and couldn’t understand why. Well, the why was because I was meant to meet my soulmate after a divorce, I was meant to have my step kids after finding out I physically could not have my own children, I was meant to get the work from home director job that I have now after getting turned down from so many other jobs that I thought would be perfect for me…I eventually got everything I wanted and more, so trust when things don’t go the way you thought they should or would.” -Betsie, 46
“Well, don’t be a freaking idiot. By this I mean always make sure you think things through and use good judgment before you act. Not just thinking about what you want right now, but also about how it will potentially impact your future as well as others’. Also, don’t be scared to walk through the door of opportunity whenever it opens!” -Ken, 53
“I would say to trust your gut. If you feel like something is NOT okay, then it probably isn’t. I would also say, if you are young and feel you want to make a change in your life, go for it! Don’t let yourself feel trapped in your life. We all deserve to feel happiness.” -Jeanel, 48
“A common theme amongst people my age is to say ‘wow how pretty, how smart, how great’ we used to be! So, I think I would like to ask the younger generation to not only have confidence in their own pursuits but also to strive for understanding and value in every day that you are given to share with one another. In that way we can avoid all the toxic people that try to create pain in those around them because they have so much hurt that they know nothing else. We take these attitudes to mean WE are the problem, when in reality the problem is that joining with those kinds of people is an oil and vinegar experience because we realize that we don’t know how to deal with that because we ourselves don’t come from that hate and hurt.” -Diane E., 53
As college students, we feel almost forced to decide what we are going to do with our lives at such a young age and if things don’t go exactly how we planned, we feel as though we have failed. But this is not the case, as many of these respondents made clear. Right now we can be experimental and make wrong decisions because somehow all of these decisions and mistakes put together will land us where we are supposed to be. Even though college years and the years that follow can be frightening, I think it’s important to (though it’s cliche) do what genuinely feels right because our intuition is typically a helpful tool. That way, we have the best chance of being able to look back on our decisions and feel content about the life that we created and lived.