“I swear sometimes you’re so high maintenance.”
When directed at you, a statement such as the one above can feel as if you’ve been physically punched. And it often comes at a steep price for the relationship between you and your accuser. More importantly though, it can come at a steeper price for your relationship with your own life beliefs.
Often people who make statements such as the one above, don’t recognize the weight they can carry with the accused. What is it that makes this person supposedly “high maintenance”? The majority of the time, the answer to this question is they’re acting upon a belief they have, and in no way shape or form are they trying to be high maintenance.
Sticking to your beliefs, whether they be spiritual, sexual, cultural or personal, doesn’t make you high maintenance, it makes you an empowered individual.
Yes, there’s a good chance that your decisions based on these beliefs might annoy other people you come across in life. Why? Well chances are, sticking to those beliefs isn’t easy, and the modern generation is known to be accustomed to having things in life be as easy as they can.
I’ve dealt with this myself, as my personal beliefs stop me from eating any animal products. This choice can often times hinder time spent out eating with friends. While my close friends and family are understanding and respectful towards my beliefs, it still often times makes eating together more difficult. Whereas eating with new friends, or those I don’t often spend time with, is a bit of a different story. While none have ever directly accused me of being high maintenance, it underlies in every sarcastic or sassy side comment that is made during our shared meal. I’ve learned to laugh it off, smile and pretend it doesn’t bother me, but it does. And it should. I personally believe that not eating animal products is the right thing to do for several reasons, and being judged for that choice is neither fair nor kind.
But it’s not just me. Judgments of this sort are made on many people whose belief-based choices might not fit into the “normal” or “easy” category.
One significant example of this includes sex. Whether it’s based on religious beliefs, or personal beliefs, some people choose not to partake in sex before marriage. Women specifically are often heavily persecuted for making this choice, while men are applauded. This stigma against abstinence makes dating difficult for young women, especially if their preference is purely personal. At least when it’s religious they have a community that supports their choice and they can depend on. When it’s purely a personal choice, women often feel attacked for it. Friends of mine who have made this choice often speak out about how dating becomes difficult as they are pressured to partake in sexual activities by their partners, partners who might even lash out accusing them of being selfish or high maintenance when they refuse.
Not only do statements such as these borderline harassment, but they also tear down well-deserved confidence. The last thing we need in this world is confidence being taken away from people who act on beliefs regarding what they feel to be right. This is especially true when these attacks are related to sex, a deeply personal and cultural topic. Persecution of this sort is what leads to women with low self-esteem and low self-confidence, instead of empowering them for staying strong and true to their beliefs.
Cultural beliefs see this persecution all too often. It’s a known fact that cultures that are not commonly seen as the norm in our society are more heavily persecuted than others. This can have profoundly negative impacts on the youth of these cultures. Asserting oneself above another, by deeming a person high maintenance for staying true to the practices and beliefs of their culture is not only wrong, it shows a high level of intolerance, even if the accuser is unaware.
Tolerance and acceptance should not be things we have to fight for in today’s world, as we know much better. And still, some people remain unaware that something as little as calling someone needy or high maintenance is a small but significant form of discrimination.
My advice for anyone who has even been accused of being high maintenance for actions based off of beliefs: rise above it. Your strength and determination is what allows you to be an authentic individual who knows what they believe to be right. It can be hard, especially when the people close to you are the ones who make such ignorant statements. Hold your head high, and remember why you’re making the choice you are. It’s not always going to be easy, but if you’re doing what you believe to be right, then it’s worth it.
My advice for anyone who has ever told another person to stop being high maintenance: recognize your statement might be more judgmental than you initially thought. Before you call out someone for being anything along the lines of high maintenance, take a step back and reevaluate the situation. Why are you accusing them of being difficult? How do the choices they are making really impact your life, and how do they impact theirs? Odds are, they don’t really impact your life but their choices significantly impact the quality of their own.
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Just remember, before you speak out, recognize that whatever you say will have an influence on the person you’re speaking to. Think about what is important to that person in their life, and recognize it might not be the same thing that’s important to you in yours. And that’s okay. Diversity in our beliefs and decisions is what makes us human, and practicing acceptance at any level is imperative for an accepting society.
Every person can benefit from treating other people’s beliefs with the same respect they desire for their own. Remember, regardless if you’re the accuser or the accused, staying true to your beliefs doesn’t make you high maintenance; it makes you strong.