This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Utah chapter.

Girls do what they want,

guys do what they can.

Take it from somebody

who experienced it firsthand.

Suddenly I’m a slut and a liar

According to the rumors that started

So I became an attention whore

Luring men in all around

Giving them a flirtatious stare

Before sticking up my nose

Wearing the tiniest clothes

And breathing heavy and close

I thought I was so in control

I thought the power was mine

I thought i didn’t matter

Boy, was I fucking blind.

Suddenly I felt dirty.

Taking any chance I could

to wash my hands

Rid myself of the filth

Of what once was who i am.

Feeling like I’d caused injustice

And hating myself for it.

I covered up more now

Glared at any man staring at me

They all saw me as meat.

They all caused my hate.

Then suddenly I’m broken.

And the pain doesn’t end

I realize what’s happened to me

Falling apart and barley breathing

How could someone do this to me?

How could they against my will?

And I don’t hate you, I don’t.

I wish I did but i can’t even still.

I bang a fist against a wall

A fist with lines

Across the wrist

You made me lose my self-worth

with all of those lies you spread

After spreading my legs

and making me open up

Bruising my body

Calling the shots

Pushing yourself

Unwelcome

Unwanted

Telling you to stop

You didn’t end it

I said No.

Multiple times.

You tell me to wait,

I’ll like it this time

No I say again

You say I’m good in bed

No i try to say

and the words don’t escape

You don’t hesitate

You penetrate

You fill me with hate

I can’t concentrate

I drift far away

Two condoms on the floor

My bleeding uterus bleeding once more

“Did we just have sex?”

I can assure you, we didn’t

You did something to me

Without my consent.

Clothes on the floor

Wrappers on the ground

I did the walk of shame home

The “R word” was out of the question

“He’s not that kind of guy”

A friend assured

I can assure you

I don’t take her word.

You’re a coward. You’re a crook.

Let’s take a second look:

Wait it’s all a blur

I took too many shots

Is that me under the covers?

Is that me saying

“Stop!”

I am now a number.

Less of a person than before.

You took a piece of me with you

Two long years ago

I was date raped

By a guy at a Frat party

I spent an entire summer numb

From the alcohol

Consumption

I let my tears flow quietly

In bathroom stalls

I let my nerves get the best of me

I built wall after wall

I never got to shout

I never got to scream

I never told that coward

That I knew what he did to me

So now is my chance

To let the anger seep in

To take this moment

And just give in

I was a virgin!

I’d never been in love!

I pushed your hands away!

You gave me two more shots!

I woke up in your bed,

Exposed,

Vulnerable

You ripped into me TWICE

while I told you to stop

I had a tampon in

How do you think that felt?

When I dug it out,

And my cherry had been popped

And I made that memory

Instead of making love

My name DOES matter

So does every persons in this world.

With my name comes power

Yours does too

I won’t speak it, I’ll still keep you protected

Just know you’ve started a riot

My heart is full steam in this passionate movement

If you pity me

Stop.

If you feel sorry for me

Don’t.

Do you see me as broken?

Do you see me as damaged?

Cut that shit out.

I have an advantage.

I am strong.

I am tough.

I will never accept

what happened to me

I will always fight

for the boys and girls like me

But holy hell

Will I own up

To being strong.

For being tough.

I was a victim.

Now I am a Survivor.

So, you want to end this trend?

Yeah, #MeToo

Rape culture advocates for the rapist. I could have avoided my assault if I hadn’t drunk alcohol, if I hadn’t gone to a party, if I hadn’t worn a shoulder-bearing outfit, right? If I had just drank a little less, then maybe I wouldn’t have been raped. If I had stayed in that night, and every night, then no, I probably would have avoided it. But that isn’t realistic. I shouldn’t have to weigh the odds. I shouldn’t have to worry about it. I should be able to say “No” and be respected. Instead, he’s off graduating in his business and piano degrees. He’s off enjoying his bachelor life, and I’m left trying to learn how to enjoy my married one.

I have to advocate for the girl who couldn’t do it for herself before. I think about her tiny body, bruised and trying to make sense of what was happening. I think of her mind, completely delusional and saying “No” as best she could. I think of her hands wanting to push him away. I think of her tears and scars. And I think, “I have to be there for her for the rest of my life.” I can’t be a bystander. I can’t allow this problem to escalate. I hope you think of her, and think “Me too,” when I say I’m going to end sexual assault. There should be more “me too’s” coming from those wanting to end sexual harassment and assault, not from those who experienced it.

Turning Anger Into Poetry: My Date Rape Story

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