Why I Won’t Be at Your Wedding

Spring is finally upon us, and with the change of seasons my Facebook is incessantly flooded with engagement announcements. I’ll spend a moment admiring your ring, taking in your happy smiles, maybe giving the post a like, but that’s as far as it goes. I won’t give you my address, I won’t attend the bachelorette or bridal shower, and I definitely won’t be at your wedding. I’m sure you’re wondering why. Why wouldn’t I want to attend your perfect day? The day you finally tie the knot with the person of your dreams at just 20 years old? It’s simple, really. You are apart of my past, not my future. 

Yes, I used to know you. We spent four years at the same high school, and we were bound to interact at some point during that time. I remember sitting by you in English, seeing you at football games, and laughing with you while setting up our senior prank. I knew you, but I never really got to know you. I didn’t know you had older siblings, or that you were going to college to study Biology. I didn’t even know you were dating someone until I saw the announcement. When I imagine getting married, I imagine a reception and ceremony filled with my closest friends and family. I imagine being surrounded with those who know me and my fiancé best, who will be in my life moving forward. Why would I want people I hardly knew, who I no longer talk to at my wedding? For those same reasons, why would you expect me to want to be at your wedding? 

Let’s say I did go. I would plaster on a smile, make small talk with people I used to know from high school, and I’d gush over your gorgeous gown. Yes, you would have another person at your wedding, another gift purchased from your registry, and you’d get to show me that you found them. You found the person you’d like to spend the rest of your life with. There is nothing about that situation that would be fun for me. The worst part is that I can’t even understand why you’re getting married. 

We took different paths after high school, and we’ve become different people. You aren’t the person I used to know and vice versa. I’m pursuing my degree, and you’ve found this person to intertwine your future with. We weren’t that close then, and we definitely aren’t close now. Would these new versions of ourselves even be friends? We’re at different places in life, and that’s okay. 

I just won’t be there for you on your special day, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I hope your big day is everything you imagined, I hope your spouse makes you happy. The truth is, I’ll see your pictures and maybe I’ll like them, but that’s as far as it goes. You were apart of my past, but there’s no room for you in my future. 

• dilemma
• friendship
• high school
• wedding