To the relief of most single people, Valentine’s Day officially marks the end of cuffing season. Instagram and Facebook will no longer have an overwhelming torrent of smiling couples in matching pajamas underneath a Christmas tree or a barrage of engagement announcements; however, for a particular demographic, we’re not home free just yet. In Utah there isn’t just an emphasis on couples during the holidays, there is a steady stream of wedding photos, throwback wedding photos, anniversary photos, throwback anniversary photos, birthday posts, half-birthday posts, and half-birthday throwback posts.
Let’s face it—living in Utah makes it hard to be single.
Embracing independence is more challenging here because it’s no secret that the local culture romanticizes love, especially young love, preaching that with the help of a significant other and a piece of jewelry on their left ring finger, life instantaneously climaxes, subsequently making other milestones like acceptance into grad school pale in comparison. This was obvious as a teenager when marriage dominated most conversations – which out of context isn’t all that unique or exclusive to Utah; a lot of people daydream about their future spouse – but discussion of plans after the big day was neglected almost entirely. Marriage became the endgame, reflected in the state’s average of men tying the knot at 26.2-years-old and women at 24.1-years-old, which is the lowest in the nation.
Because mass amounts of people are getting married earlier on in life, it feeds into this mindset that if you’re emerging adulthood and not in a serious relationship, than by default there is something wrong with you. It becomes really easy to believe you are unworthy or less desirable when everyone else in the state is dating someone. Reasonably, not every person in Utah is attributed to thinking this way, but a vast majority of us in the prime eligible bachelor age rage feel ostracized when most of our friends are in a relationship, and we can’t turn a corner without seeing five bridal magazines at a hair salon.
Nevertheless, people are entitled to post whatever they want, and I actively follow all my friends that are engaged or married because I am genuinely happy they are in love. I’m not arguing they shouldn’t be able to express themselves; I’m just saying it contributes to the romance-centered culture. When you’re single it’s hard to embrace that and put it on the back burner when a large majority of the community displays and puts it at the forefront. Even the most unattached single person becomes susceptible to loneliness and longing when exposed to the aggressive mindset.
That being said, just because it’s hard to be single doesn’t make it unbearable: it simply means that living in Utah requires thicker skin.
We can’t be so critical or let ourselves fall into the cyclical process of comparing our life to someone in a serious relationship. It may be hard to be single here, but it makes life even harder if we are cynical about it. Utah is brimming with diverse activities, but none of which should include comparing ourselves to someone else as a baseline for our happiness. From one companionless Utah native to another, there are advantages of being single even if it feels like the whole world is highlighting anything but. Anytime you’re feeling especially resentful, resort to taking a hike in Zions, or mix a batch of fry sauce, or debate the pronunciation of “mountain.” The possibilities are endless.