Girl Talk: Toxic Relationships

TW: toxic relationships and their warning signs. 

I am a volunteer at Planned Parenthood. I interviewed the Volunteer Coordinator with Victim Advocacy Services of Planned Parenthood of Greater NY. For privacy services, her name will be Lee. We are discussing toxic relationships, warning signs, and online dating. Here is what she said:

1. What are the warning signs of a toxic relationship?

There are many different “red flags” that you would consider to be warning signs of a toxic relationship. A red flag can be something as simple as someone getting upset when you make plans with other friends to control your finances. Some other red flags include but are not limited to:

• Doesn’t respect your boundaries or privacy

• Checks your phone constantly

• Breaks your stuff

• Threatens violence

• Forcing sex

• Verbal abuse puts you down

• Quick to get angry

• Blames others for everything

• Extreme jealousy

• Falls in love to quick

1. What advice would you give to someone in a toxic relationship?

I think the first thing that should always be recognized is that person’s worth. There is no one else in the entire world who is like them. We are all so unique and no one deserves to be treated in a toxic way. The advice that I would give to someone in a toxic relationship is to reach out for support. There are so many confidential hotlines and resources staffed with individuals who want to help. No one should go through trauma alone.

1. If someone was to report their significant other, would that be possible? 

It is 100% possible to report a significant other. Whether that be calling a hotline and explaining what has happened or filing a report with local law enforcement. Just because you are consenting to be in a relationship with someone does not mean that you are consenting to be abused.

1. What are some dangers you have noticed with online dating?

Online dating can be a great way to meet someone however there are also many risks corresponded with online dating. Safety should always be the priority. When you connect with people online you are putting your basic information out to anyone out in the world. We have had many instances where the person you’re talking to isn’t the person you thought it was, also known as a catfish. The grooming process is something that can absolutely take place when talking to someone online. Grooming is the process of someone getting to know you on deeper levels and being able to use that to manipulate the situation to cause harm. For example; having you meet them somewhere which can later lead to abduction, human trafficking, or abuse.

1. What are some risks with dating/social events and how could college students avoid them?

I think it is always important to plan accordingly for attending social events. When getting ready to go to an event with friends it’s not a bad idea to make sure you have a group of friends that you can rely on. Not everyone has to be someone that you would consider a close friend and that is okay. Know your limits when it comes to putting substances in your body, never leave your drink unattended, and plan on how to return home safely before the event starts.

1. Overall, what would your advice for dating in college be? For new relationships, longer relationships, or forming? 

My advice for dating in college would be to take things slow. Get to know someone and allow them to get to know you. Rushing things leads into so many things being unknown which can later cause issues/concerns. Have fun when meeting new people but always think about your safety and those red flags. If any concerns arise please connect with someone for guidance and support.

All in all, protect yourself and be aware of the things happening around you. You are a strong independent woman, and if you need any help at all, please reach out to me, or call our hotline.

xoxo, 

Carin