It’s time we, as women, stop hating our boyfriends’ ex’s. I’m as guilty as everyone. When I started dating my first college boyfriend (who is now my first college ex) I hated his ex on principal. It didn’t matter who she was or the real reasons they broke up. I decided I didn’t like her one bit.
I didn’t know if she disliked me, which would have been warranted considering I was his first girlfriend after their 3 year relationship ended. I didn’t know if she was nice, mean, smart or anything else. I didn’t know her and I shared so many things in common. I didn’t even know we shared a good number of friends, including one of my best friends. I wanted to know nothing about her and I wanted all my friends to tell me I was better than her without any context.
Fast forward a few months to the day that guy broke my heart. He and I had been “through” for a while, but the heartbreak came at finals of my spring semester. That night his ex was there in my kitchen with our mutual friend drying my tears and telling me it would all be okay, and I believed her because she’d been where I was before.
After that day I learned who this girl really was. She was a smart, kind, God loving sorority woman. She was fun to hang out with and, most importantly, she was nothing like the person I made up in my head. I had hated a girl who turned out to be a really great person and now a friend.
It’s time to stop hating girls based off of their pasts. Even if you end up marrying the guy, which clearly I didn’t, you’re letting him get in the way of sisterhood. Women should be empowering women, not hating them on silly principles or based on the testimony of a man who could be saying the exact same things about you in a few months.
Next time you find yourself saying or thinking mean things about your guy’s ex, try to get to know her first. You never know if your opinion will change.