As a woman, I’ve always struggled with establishing my boundaries and being able to say no out of the fear that I’ll upset somebody. As I started to build more close relationships with other women during the beginning of my university career, I realized this a very common problem. So, these are some things I’ve learned along the way, and through the trial-and-error process of developing a healthier relationship with myself and other people.
Why are boundaries Important?
Boundaries are a key part of building healthy relationships with others – personal and professional – but something I’ve learned, especially recently, is that it’s key to building a healthy relationship with yourself.
Boundaries: Limits you set for yourself
There are a wide range of limits one can apply to their individual boundaries, such as:
Physical Boundaries: Boundaries that are external, such as limits on physical contact. A sub section of this is sexual boundaries.
- Sexual boundaries: Establishing limits on intimacy between you and a partner(s) to keep your physical and emotional state safe. These are arguably the most important limits you can set for yourself, and I believe every woman should feel safe and comfortable in her body.
Emotional Boundaries: Separating your thoughts, feelings, and needs from those of others. A simple example of this is saying no to something you’re not comfortable doing.
Mental Boundaries: This is used interchangeably with emotional boundaries, but they’re not necessarily the same thing. Mental boundaries are respecting intellectual thoughts, values, and beliefs of other people and yourself. If somebody is pushing their beliefs onto you and you’re not comfortable with that, that is a boundary you can establish.
Social boundaries: These are limits on social behavior and interactions with others. Social boundaries can be established in multiple ways, but I have found the best way to establish social boundaries is to establish them with yourself. If you have a lower social battery, you shouldn’t force yourself to continue to socialize past your limit or overbook yourself with social obligations without allowing yourself to recharge.
Scheduling boundaries: Setting limits on how many activities you set for yourself in a certain period of time. As university girlies, we consistently have a lot on our plate, so not over scheduling ourselves is key to a healthier you and work/life balance.
Material Boundaries: Limits on how you handle or share your personal possessions. Some might consider this a superficial boundary, but I personally think it’s just as important as many others I’ve listed. Having a twin sister growing up meant a lot of sharing, and as someone who definitely doesn’t mind sharing their clothes, I have 5 dresses I refuse to let anybody else wear, and that’s ok! You are allowed to not want to share your possessions, be it clothes, CD’s, or stuffies, it’s yours to decide not to share.
Always remember, the word “No.” is a sentence.
Benefits of boundaries.
- Protecting your emotional, and physical space, and peace of mind.
- Protecting your time.
- Prioritizing your needs over external factors.
- Being able to separate your feelings from external needs, such as others’ feelings, wants, and overwhelming obligations.
- Enriching your personal and professional relationships.
- Preventing future professional and personal conflicts.
- Strengthening your identity and understanding your needs on a deeper level.
- Developing Independence.
One Process you can use to help establish boundaries
- Comprehending: Take the time to understand your needs/wants, and other things that make you feel safe. As well as things that make you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. By doing so, you can then Establish all the internal and external boundaries that you’ve just comprehended. A great way to this is using the Circle Boundary Method.
Circle boundary method: Drawing a circle, and writing down the things to make you feel happy, safe and comfortable inside the circle, and the things that make you feel uncomfortable and frustrated outside the circle. Then you can Implement these boundaries and use them in your everyday life! Implementing your boundaries is very similar to creating new habits. You have to practice them. Take some time to brainstorm how you would implement some boundaries you’d like to establish better.
Final Thoughts
Putting yourself first doesn’t make you selfish, it helps you create a healthier relationship with yourself, and therefore helps you establish healthier relationships with others.
Remember your mental peace matters!
Citations
The 6 Types Of Healthy Boundaries & How To Set Them | mindbodygreen
The Importance Of Setting Boundaries For Your Mental Health & Safety | BetterHelp