There are so few areas in my own life where I am a black or white person. My whole life I’ve been a people pleaser. Many times when I am asked to offer an opinion or shed some light on an issue, I constantly find myself copping out with “Well it depends, because everything is SO situational.”
This is a problem.
When it comes to political issues or maybe even what outfit to throw together for a date function or what to order at dinner, being in this gray area of mixed ideas or emotions is just fine. However, when it comes to relationships and boys, this is the worst mindset to have.
Too often I find my friends letting guys treat them horribly because they like this person so much they are willing to lower their standards to be treated so-so, and will give in to just about anything just for a chance to hang out with this guy again. While I do not think every relationship you have with a guy needs to be defined by “we are dating”, I do think we sometimes let ourselves stay in this supposedly “safe” gray spot of “Well, I don’t know what we are…I mean we talk…He compliments me…He invites me to date functions…but just that once because he took that other girl to formal…but we are not dating…but we are more than friends…but I don’t know…I don’t know!!”
And this never ends, and your friends end up not being able to help you because they are hearing too much about an issue that could be resolved by just making a decision to pick yourself over this jerk who doesn’t even deserve you.
While I’m not saying the first time you ever hang out with a guy you need to define what you are to each other, it does however become an issue when after far too long you cannot identify what you are to a person. This is a huge problem because how do you go from here? If you are stuck in a gray area with someone who is Mr. Wrong then you are missing your opportunity to be out there actually finding your Mr. Right! And it’s not fair to yourself or the other person. If you are behaving like a couple then why are you not establishing yourself as a couple?! At the end of the day you need to take a second and DTR. Define the Relationship. And then move on. Because you will waste so much time in this gray fuzzy area, stuck in a circuitous pattern that will not allow you to grow and flourish as the superstar you are.
I know this may come off as harsh sounding, but from an outside perspective on any relationship I have dealt with concerning my friends, this is your outside voice of reason telling you to make sure whatever and whoever you are spending your time with is well defined. You are too smart, too gorgeous, too charismatic, and well rounded and AWESOME to be living your life in the gray area. Life is all about choices, and at the end of the day, we have to say yes or no. Why would you waste months being confused and upset when even if it results in a week of heartbreak, you at least have closure and can move on to find Mr. Right?
You deserve the absolute world and more.
Get out of the gray.