Don’t make this weird, but dogs are great kissers. I mean, LOOK at them! It’s obvious.
As we wean out of cuffing season, you want to finish it off strong. Don’t let terrible makeout sessions put your months of cuffing work to waste. Luckily, we have the internet and dogs, both of which give great advice on this dilemma. Buckle in, grab a notebook and your reading glasses, and get ready to learn. These pooches are teachin’ some smooches!
1. Nose boops
The scene is set. The lights are low. The door is locked. The mood is sexy. The time is NEAR. Not sure how to start? Go in with a nice little nose boop. It doesn’t matter where your nose lands on their face, as long as you really just get in there. Sniff that chin. Shove your schnoz into their face! It’s Dog* Guaranteed that you and your partner will LOVE this move (*Dogs are not responsible if your partner bites you)
2. Tongue, and lots of it
Listen, when Cosmo tells you that you should use tongue sparingly in your ~hot mack sesh~, they’re lying to you. They don’t want you to know the truth, but dogs are different. Dogs always tell the truth, and there’s nothing more truthful than that no amount of tongue is too much tongue. Get that pink lil’ weasel out of your mouth and all over their face. It doesn’t even have to find it’s way into your partner’s mouth (though +10 points if it does!). Let that licker loose! Lick their cheeks, their chin, their eyes, and especially the inside of their ears. Make sure to get their hands and feet, and save lots of time for those. 9 out of 10 local dogs claim that incessantly licking the hands and feet at random times for minutes on end is the best way to pull someone in. Lick until you’ve licked all of the salt out of their bodies. Go wild ;)
3. The Mouth Grab
Partner getting too needy or too dominant? Is healthy communication too hard for you? Go with the mouth grab. It’s super easy! All you have to do is open your mouth as wide as Pennywise in It (2017) and shove their head into your massive gob! Only do this, though, if you’re looking for something serious. This can show your partner that you’re in for the long haul! And they can’t escape!
4. Tongue Snatch
This goes along with suggestion #2. Is your partner really into tongue? Does it get kind of annoying? Are you too lazy to have a normal conversation about how he is constantly licking your face? Use the Tongue Snatch to solve this problem! The Tongue Snatch is a way to simultaneously turn the heat up and down. First, wait for their tongue to approach. Then, with the right timing, BITE their tongue and SNATCH IT. If it comes off… oh well?
Hopefully that summed up most of your kissing questions. Dogs are really the species that should reign supreme and their kissing tactics are the absolute gold standard. Remember: Never. Enough. Tongue.