“College is going to be the best experience of your life!”
I heard this phrase countless times throughout my junior and senior year of high school. It was all I could think about whenever I imagined my future education. It was the moment I had been waiting for my entire life, envisioning this picturesque grown-up experience that would be the greatest stepping stone to the rest of my life and future career. Going to social events, partying, meeting new people, repeat. With all this excitement from graduation, the last summer, and prepping my bags for college, it was my mantra to the point that I couldn’t think of anything else.
Now, I don’t want to completely discount my first semester, because overall I did really enjoy it and I was able to do all that I mentioned above. However, I think that college is extremely glamorized, whether in media, television, or daily conversation, that it tends to give new college students a lot of preconceived expectations that are not entirely true. This, combined with the feeling that I had no idea what was going on or what to expect until I was plunged into the heart of it (or reflecting in hindsight), created many areas of disappointment that I wasn’t prepared for. Additionally, looking back now, there were many topics that people tended to avoid during that adjustment period that I wish I had known sooner, and struggled in many ways to learn. I think this is partially because upperclassmen have already adjusted, so it’s easier to forget those original details, but they were actually really important in my transition to college.
Classes hit me like a traIN
I know, I know. College is about getting an education at the end of the day. But honestly, I feel like the entire process of entering college pushed academics to the side for me subconsciously, simply because everything about college signified that every other part of my life was changing. I was still unpacking boxes in my dorm, getting comfortable in my new space, religiously opening google maps anytime I needed to go anywhere around Grounds, and consistently missing the bus because I had yet to learn how to use the bus system. And then on top of that, I was rushing back and forth to welcome events, social events, new club meetings, parties, and hanging out with new friends.
For the first couple weeks, I was able to juggle my schoolwork along with these events, but once the drop/swap deadline passed for classes, the weight of my classes came crashing down on me. Professors started getting into the bulk of class content and almost immediately began assigning more work. Even with my planner and reminders, assignments piled up with each new day, until I felt that I couldn’t catch up (much less get ahead). This feeling only seemed to grow worse the closer we got to finals season.
Something I realized very quickly was that I had to relearn how to study, which I now know I didn’t do with great consistency in high school, especially while balancing my course load. Alongside this, I had fallen into a mentality that, in order to keep up with all my assignments, I constantly needed to be doing work throughout the week, which only served to stress me out more and never enabled me to relax. Over winter break, I reflected on ways to improve going into my second semester, deciding to be more intentional on creating my own balance. This semester, I make sure to plan time throughout the week (even if it’s 15 minutes one day) where I take time for myself, friends, meals, self-care, and/or my overall mental health.
Isolation is “silent but deadly”
I didn’t realize how much I was accustomed to and depended on the company of my friends in high school, until I entered college. I went from constantly seeing my friends in classes and at lunch tables to walking alone from large lecture halls to dining halls, eating by myself as I watched groups of people laughing and enjoying each other’s company. Initially, I was able to ignore the feeling, more focused on adjusting to college and getting used to my classes, all this “newness” that I could romanticize. But as I began developing a routine, I felt self-conscious and honestly unsure what to do with myself, especially when I finally got a slice of free time, but my friends had conflicting schedules.
It took me some time, but I had to learn how to be comfortable in my own company, which I didn’t even know I needed. I gradually desensitized myself to silence, and actually began to enjoy it. Instead of associating “alone” with “loneliness,” I started to embrace that college gave me an individuality and freedom I had never experienced before. It made me more mindful of how I use my time, and how I choose to fill my space. Additionally, because I was used to having similar schedules that inherently brought me together with my family or friends, this new environment made me more inclined to make plans and reach out. I made a more conscious effort to hang out with my friends, call my family members and hometown friends, and cherish the moments I spent with loved ones.
Where are the P.O.C. in P.W.I.?
Growing up, I was able to surround myself with friend groups from elementary through high school with people from all different ethnic backgrounds and experiences. Coming into UVA, I was expecting that college would be a place where more people branch out, considering how I wanted to get to know students from different backgrounds, ethnicities, cultures, etc. I knew that the diversity statistics were going to be fairly low, however I was completely thrown off guard by the culture of UVA’s social scene that seemed to perpetuate the divide. Although there is a significant number of social clubs and organizations that promote more specific connections, finding a true community didn’t always fit in those boxes. In places where I thought I’d find common ground, I was often met with clique-y and exclusive energy that I had never experienced on such a large scale.
Overall, I’m grateful that UVA has such an abundance of organizations that provide avenues for students to find their place. Overcoming those expectations I had starting college, I can understand now that I won’t find comfort in all the spaces I enter. Instead, I am able to appreciate certain aspects of the organizations that I choose to be a part of, and find my communities within them.
Who are my friends?
College during welcome week and college at the actual beginning of the semester felt like two completely different worlds to me. Everyone was incredibly friendly and open to starting conversations, meeting new people, and overall carried very welcoming energy. But around the second week of school, the vibes had completely shifted. Some people that I had talked to, laughed with, or exchanged instagrams suddenly walked past me as if they had never seen me before. Other interactions, although nice enough to catch up, felt much more closed off.
Obviously, it’s understandable that not everyone is going to be best friends with every person they meet. However, it was a really weird transition to see many people close themselves off from further connections simply because their friend groups had formed. This helped me reevaluate that those who want to be around will make the effort, and in turn, I was devoting my energy to people who do the same. Additionally, in stark contrast to the more stable schedule and close-knit environment of high school, I was determined to keep in touch and make plans, and overall put greater effort into developing genuine friendships.
Takeaways
I know I have so much more to experience, but even from my first semester, college has already taught me so much about the value of balance, change, and cutting myself some slack as I adjusted to a completely different life. Overall, everyone is going to give advice based on their own experiences of college, specific to their university, friendships, organizations, degree plan, etc. As encouragement for myself and for others, some advice I would offer based on my first experiences at UVA would be:
- Don’t hold expectations of what college will be. It’s different for everyone!
- Give yourself grace. You have literally never been in this situation before; it’s okay not to know the best ways to go about new scenarios.
- Be open to new experiences and changes within yourself!