Our Anger: What If We Could Control It?

This scenario may sound familiar: you and your boyfriend get into a fight. Both of you were partially in the wrong and did something to make each other mad. Both of you start getting heated, and I mean literally. I know when I get angry I actually feel my body get hot and tense; I may clench my fists and blood quickly rushes through my body. Finally, after talking the situation out, you both apologize. When this happens, a guy is most likely to immediately get over the situation, emotionally and physically. He will start to cool off, relax and brush off the conflict. You on the other hand, being that lovely feminine creature that you are, hold on to that anger whether you mean to intentionally or not. I have recently heard a couple of discussions on anger – where it comes from and how we handle it. Both of the talks I heard were from secular sources but the root of the discussion was based in the facts of human nature.
 
 Author Frederica Mathewes-Green described a similar situation in a lecture I recently attended. She explained that men and women have very different chemical reactions when angered. Men have an easier time getting over the situation once it has been resolved and apologies have been made. Women on the other hand hold onto the anger without even meaning to. I am sure you have experienced this before. When it happens you may start trying to explain your anger to yourself, which inherently leads you to digging up issues from the past and thinking that you are still angered by something he did last week. This is the dilemma many women face, and when it is a conflict between two girls the reactions may be much more dramatic.
 
So what do we do about it? Well, now that we have a chemical excuse that we “don’t have control over our anger,” we can just write off the stereotypical dramatic girl reactions as something we can’t help and continue in our ways. But is that really what we want to do? Or would we rather get to the bottom of it? I know I would. As I said before I recently have heard a couple discussions on the topic, one being the lecture given by Mathewes-Green and the other was a sermon by Tim Keller called “The Healing if Anger.” Keller talks about anger as something that is not inherently bad. The balance he says is between “no anger” and “quick to anger.” He finds “slow to anger,” as the goal to obtain if we want to lead healthier happier lives.
 
 Anger is something that is not only damaging to us emotionally but also physically. An article from How Stuff Works says, “In one study of almost 13,000 subjects, individuals with the highest levels of anger had twice the risk of coronary artery disease and three times the risk of heart attack, as compared to the subjects with the lowest levels of anger.” The researches said anger could be worse than effects of smoking or obesity.
 
So how do we find ourselves on the road towards “slow to anger”? Keller explains how when we get angry we need to stop and look towards the root cause of what is actually making us angry. What is so important that we are defending? When we get angry we are defending something that we love, Keller reasons that this is why no anger is a bad thing because anger and love go together in an inseparable way. If someone hurts someone you love, you are likely to get angry. However, when in conflict with someone our anger normally stems from defending what we tend to love the most: ourselves and our pride. If we can stop and think before we react in an irrational manner it would be easier to realize what exactly it is that we are defending and slowly and calmly work through how we will react.
 
I know that I often take myself too seriously, so when someone attacks me and my pride I am quick to anger. However, I now realize that when I defend my pride I am loving myself more than others and I should not let my pride get in the way of a relationship or cause drama and conflict.