Whenever I think of ‘the holidays’ I think of the typical Hallmark movie. There’s a warm family and laughter filling the rooms of the house where everyone from across the country has come together. I don’t know about you, but that was never my family. However, through all the craziness of growing up in a dysfunctional family, it was my little brother who got me through every family dinner and holiday breakdown.
The knowing glances from across the table as our grandfather started a story with ‘back in my day’ typically followed by something problematic. The looks we gave each other when suspiciously neon green jello was put out jiggling as my grandmother set it down. The AirPods hidden in our curly hair as he showed me his newest music selection and we had a whole conversation, without being heard because either our family is deaf or we go unnoticed. Those were moments that I cherish more than any family tradition or passed-down recipe from Thanksgiving or Christmas.
The conversations we would have washing the dishes as the grown-ups talked in the living room. Poking fun at the government conspiracy theories and what would get us permanently written out of the will, perhaps it would be mowing the lawn wrong or not washing a dish, all this was awful but it was made so much better with someone to laugh at these misfortunes with.
If your family is anything like mine and your siblings were your lifeline during your dysfunctional family holidays you’re probably sitting and reading this realizing you want that again. Well, not the dysfunctional part. But the bonding, the laughter, the quality time with your sibling. I moved out of the house for college and although I visit and spend breaks there, my sibling and I will never live under the same roof as we did once upon a time. It won’t be as easy to keep that connection that seemed so simple when at home but if you are as determined as I am, it’ll work.
The most important thing is to PUT IN THE EFFORT, call them, and talk to them about their lives. Whether your sibling is at home or in college somewhere else, put in the effort, it could be as simple as sending them TikToks or Instagram reels, but it shows them you’re thinking about them. My goal before I go home for Christmas is to at least call my brother every other day. Even if it’s a short conversation of hellos and the crazy thing our mom said while driving him to school. It will be enough to keep you in their mind and most importantly, them in yours. Having a sibling is wonderful, it’s a true gift and my little brother is the best thing that could ever happen to me and I am determined not to lose that connection simply because there is distance between us. No one will ever know your struggle in the same way a sibling in the same household will. Although your experiences may be different, they were there during the fights and the rough nights, under the same roof, hearing what you did.
I can confidently say my sibling is my best friend and always will be. I will be the first to admit that I have not been the best big sister while in college, not calling enough, and so on. But that can change, the relationship you have with your siblings is nothing like your relationship with anyone else. It can be fixed, so if you feel like you’ve drifted and think your spot as their maid of honor/best man is slipping away. Take it back, because no matter how long has passed, if you put in the effort and show them they are important to you, then you can have those connections once again. When you’re sitting around a table as adults and your one uncle says something… not politically correct, you can give each other those glances again and laugh at the craziness that is family.