Who else just finished bingeing “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives” on Hulu? I may have purchased a subscription just to watch the show … I wasn’t super familiar with the band of women, who call themselves “MomTok” before the show aired, but with all of the buzz surrounding the season (plus the catchy theme song) I couldn’t help but buy in.
Much of the internet discourse about the show centers around bashing Whitney. Throughout the show, she distances herself from the group, saying that they aren’t really friends to begin with, and she wants to focus her energy on her family. While her attention-seeking behavior rubbed me the wrong way, I found her story to be genuine and her behaviors to be problematic but less inflammatory than other themes at bay.
Jen and Zac’s relationship is much more deserving of attention. I could also talk about Taylor and Dakota, but I’ll save that for another article …
Towards the end of the season, the girls (plus Zac and Dakota …) take a trip to Vegas. The night before they leave for the trip, Jen asks Zac how he would feel if they end up going to a strip show. He says that “being divorced and taking care of two kids would be kind of tough”. He then shows her what outfits he has packed for the trip and asks for a handout to gamble. Jen is surprised by this and he just does that awkward, dead-eyes male glare. So, while he wants to gamble the night away (which is taboo in their religion), he expects that she will not go to any risqué shows with her friends. Talk about a double standard!
As you would expect on a Vegas girls’ trip, one of the girls surprises the group with a trip to Chippendales, a male strip show. Zac lashes out at Jen and threatens to take her children and divorce her. Ouch.
What is especially absurd about Zac’s controlling behavior and traditional views about marriage is the fact that he is 100% financially dependent on Jen. In the show, it is suggested that Zac has a gambling problem and has blown through money his parents gave him for medical school. He is 27 years old and just finished his undergraduate degree. Jen will be funding his entire medical school education.
As I mentioned above, he told Jen it would be hard to be a single mom with 2 kids. However, she is the breadwinner and primarily takes care of their children. So, in my opinion, it wouldn’t be too different from her situation now. However, I imagine that divorce would be much harder for Zach because he will have to pay for his own med school education.
The power dynamic between the couple is quite interesting. Zac acts as though he is the “leader of the family”, which is a traditional mindset accepted in the Mormon community, even though he does not provide for or take care of his children. Early in the season, Jen asks him to help more at home (he doesn’t have a job, so I don’t know why that wouldn’t already be expected of him). Jen provides for their family through brand partnerships obtained from “MomTok” content. Zac tells her he doesn’t care about “MomTok” at all; yet “MomTok” is paying his bills.
Throughout the series, the girls raise concerns about Zac’s narcissistic qualities. Jen agrees that his behavior is narcissistic but excuses it by saying it is because he loves her more than anyone else could. This is a hallmark trait of abuse – the abuser claiming that their abusive behavior is done out of love for their partner. We saw so much go down on camera, who knows what happens behind closed doors? Jen shares that the couple is in therapy to discuss his narcissistic behavior, but even therapy can’t heal abusive relationships.
It is sad to see Jen in a relationship with someone who is such a loser. And yes, I understand that is an extreme word, but I seriously mean it. He is a controlling, unemployed 27-year-old narcissist with a gambling addiction. Like the definition of a man baby. Meanwhile, she is a modern day “Girl Boss” navigating a flawed marriage and a restrictive religion.
I am looking forward to the next season of “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives”, and I hope to see a happy ending for Jen!