After being literally the LAST person to leave Charlottesville to finally return home for Thanksgiving break, I was so excited to get home and enjoy the time off from school. I walked through the front door and was instantly greeted by my excited mom and my little dog and the aroma of freshly baked cookies. Home sweet home! My aunt, who I have not seen since before I studied abroad, is also at home excited to greet me. We chat for a minute before she says something that clearly has become the official phrase my parents must keep telling people in the family. She asks me how school is, and how is my 4th year, and how are rehearsals etc. Then she drops this comment:
“Emily you are too busy to have a boyfriend I hear”.
Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever heard someone try to politely present to me this excuse my parents must keep making up in their head to try and reason why I am still single. How does one craft such a phrase? And better yet how does one respond to that?
Now I can at least diffuse some of the blow and remind my family of my one former somewhat serious relationship, but the fact that I am still being harassed after four solid, and absolutely wonderful, years of singlehood has become quite the little charade at dinner table conversations or at any and every family gathering, be it Christmas dinner or my little sister’s graduation. People even try to tip toe around the subject, which just humors me more as I fake a smile and wait for them to actually get to the real question. They will start off by asking what classes I am currently taking, and then ease their way to ask if I have any men in my life. I mean could we at least ask a more intense, but in my defense, easier to answer question such as, “What are you doing with your life?” or “Emily, wow tell us about the show you’re in!” “That is one awesome necklace, where did you find that?” But no it’s always “Why haven’t you met anybody?!”
About halfway through my college career I think my parents quickly realized I would not be meeting my soul mate in college. My semester abroad though must have been their only hope as one of their pounding questions upon my return to America was, “Did you meet someone?!!” Their optimistic grins quickly shifted back to a face that read, “Aw its okay daughter, one day you will find someone.” Because I needed that support? Really, was the point of me going abroad to find my “person”?!
What is it today with everyone celebrating couplehood, and failing to recognize the fact that being single is actually an amazing thing. Hey mom and dad let me show you these awesome pictures from my safari in South Africa…and yes I met plenty of boys while abroad, but none I am going to date. Sorry?
Now that my older sister is engaged, her fiancé is now present at most of our family gatherings and holiday celebrations. This past Thanksgiving we all hiked Humpback Rock and at the top I asked about their first date. They told me that they went to Mary’s dorm room and watched Jurassic Park on her laptop and they talked and hung out. “Completely sober?” I mean I had to ask. “Of course!”, they responded. I sat in silence for a couple of minutes weirded out, and my sister asked me why I looked so shocked. I explained to her how this would never happen in college today. I mean my immediate guy friends are either constantly surrounded by their bros and would be weirded out if I invited them over for a movie, or let’s face it so many of my activities (Drama and Dance and musical theatre) do not give me as many options for straight, available boys. My sister seemed taken aback and told me I must have some psychological block against beginning a relationship. To this I quickly shook her comment off and said, “no, it’s just the way UVa is…”
However, upon further reflection with my best friend over sandwiches at Belair, I began to question whether Mary had a point. Am I perpetually single because I actually have a block and just mentally don’t think dating will ever happen at UVa, or am I actually that busy that there is just no time? Do I need to be more aggressive in my pursuits? What must be wrong with me?!
But finally I realized I don’t need to question this because I truly believe fate will lead me to whoever the next guy is I will date. I would much rather date someone because we actually like each other and are right for each other, than date someone just because I am lonely or insecure or feel like it has been too long since I have had a boyfriend.
I’ve always been told that the first 30 years of your life need to be the most self indulging because you have so much time later in life to take care of people and give up more of your independence. While I have nothing against those lucky souls out there who are currently happy with their significant other, or have met their “person”, I am truly happy to be single and able to focus on me. After all you can never truly make it work with someone until you are happiest with just yourself. Your relationship with yourself is always the most important and until you learn to love who you are, how can you really love someone else?
While my love for musical theatre has not brought me to my soulmate, Stephen Sondheim has at least taught me the most important lesson of all: I need to find that somebody, not just some body.