I’ve been feeling very subpar lately. I don’t know if it’s just that point in the semester where I haven’t done the best on some assignments or I’m struggling with the workload of a few of my classes — but I’ve been feeling like I’m not good at anything.
Or that I’m good at some things, but I don’t excel in anything. I’m interested in a lot of things, but I feel that interest starts to dwindle when I don’t do something perfectly. I know that it’s impossible, but I guess it’s just the perfectionist in me that feels like I need to be the best at whatever I do.
I like to sing, but I’m no American Idol. I like art, but I can’t draw or paint for the life of me. I’m athletic, but I’ve never been a star athlete. This might sound like I’m looking for pity in some way just because good at things but I’m not the best. But, It’s not that. I just know that this is something some other college students relate to at some point.
What it really is about is feeling…mediocre. For example, with singing, I know I’m a good singer. I usually avoid telling people that, though, because then if I sing, and I don’t sound like Ariana Grande, I feel embarrassed. I recently told my sisters that being a relatively good singer is worse than being a bad singer because when you’re bad, you know you’re bad. When you’re adequate, you end up trying out for singing groups — just as a totally random example and not at all based on real-life events — and getting rejected from them. So you’re left wondering: am I actually good? Maybe, just not good enough.
This is something that often comes to a head in high school and college life. I feel like school especially forces people into distinctive boxes. If you like sports, you’re an athlete; if you’re smart, you’re a nerd; if you like art, you’re an artsy kid; and if you like to sing and dance, you do theater. I know those are like, totally 1980s John Hughes’ movie stereotypes, but these categories are still pretty present today — even if the lines have been blurred a bit. Personally, I was more of an artsy kid, but I always felt I didn’t perfectly fit into any of these categories. I guess that’s my problem. I’m just “okay” at all of these things.
Alright, I feel like at some point I have to turn this into a positive thing. The popular phrase “jack of all trades, master of none” has always stuck with me, and is ultimately what this whole article has been about. While thinking of writing about this feeling, that phrase has been on my mind a lot. I decided to look it up out of curiosity, and what I found surprised me.
The phrase is often continued by saying “though oftentimes better than a master of one.” So, it turns out that at least some people agree with the way I feel — at least enough to come up with a rebuttal to the popular phrase. Maybe it is better to not be cornered into certain categories, forced to be good at one thing and one thing only. Maybe being adequate at a lot of things is better than just being really good at one thing.
I think the feeling of mediocrity is a made-up feeling, one that I’m putting on myself in order to impress imaginary people. Who cares if I’m not the best singer in the world? I like to sing. Who cares if when I draw, it looks like a child did it? I like creating art. I realize I have to stop letting the desire to be perfect take the joy out of the things I really like to do.
I, like many, many other people, worry about what others think about me and often compare myself to others. So much so that I’ve realized it’s gotten in the way of things I genuinely enjoy, like writing. So, I’m starting today. I’m not going to worry about mediocrity or even failure when it comes to this article, I’m just writing it and putting it out there. To be judged? Maybe. Probably, even. But, if I like it, and I enjoyed doing it, then who cares.
**Edited by Carolyn D’Auria