Before you write me off as someone who ‘was probably was never quiet or awkward’ let me stop you right there. This is coming from the girl who once was asked, point blank—“Why don’t you talk?” To make this interaction ever more excruciating, it was asked by one of the “popular boys” in the third grade. I literally whispered back, “I don’t know.” Like really? So…yeah, you can just let that sink in real quick.
Whether you are just trying to become a little bit more of a social butterfly or make some new friends, there are a couple of things you can do to be the most memorable you you can be. And don’t worry I’m not going to just tell you to arbitrarily “be confident” because who actually understands what that means anyway.
To Wave or Not to Wave?
So you met someone recently and you see him or her on campus, but you’re not sure whether the person remembers you enough to say hi. The short answer: Say Hi!
Honestly, we’ve all been in this position. But what’s the worst thing that can happen? If they don’t remember, chances are they have a poor memory and you should feel happy to have been blessed with such great recall. But in all seriousness, if you do receive a semi-quizzical look back, don’t panic. Smile, and say something like, “Wait, you’re in my Psych class right?” And look at that, they’ll probably be the one waving to you next time.
Go Out of Your Way
Another easy way to begin tackling your shyness is by complimenting strangers. Doesn’t it just make your day when someone compliments your outfit? That is how everyone else feels too. And it will actually leave you walking away feeling happier too. We think things about the people we see so much, why not tell them if you like their boots or shirt. If you’re sitting next to someone in class or a coffee shop, it is a great conversation starter also. If that’s your end game, try and follow up your compliment with a question.
Smile!
Smile at people. “But why would I do that if I don’t know them?” Use your half smile, I don’t know, do what you gotta do, But you are instantly more approachable when you flash a friendly smile at people. And I don’t mean ‘flash a smile’ in a creepy grin way. Just the closed lips smile that if it could talk probably says something like “I don’t know you, but we just made eye contact, so I hope you’re having a great day”.
What About Going Out?
Okay, so now I know you’re probably reading this thinking, ya ya these suggestions are child’s play. But I think I can speak for a lot of people when I say you have never truly felt awkward in your life until you find yourself dragged into a party Friday night and you don’t know a soul, besides the friend you came with who swears her, “friend is here”. We all know that feeling. There are pretty girls staring at you from the corner and the room is starting to feel (even) smaller.
If you evaluate the situation and feel like you want to stay, this is how to navigate the scene. If people are playing a game, join. Even if you’re not drinking, or don’t drink at all, someone else will gladly drink for you. People can be a little more standoffish out at night so if there isn’t a game to join, try and start one.
If all else fails, check back with numbers 2&3, complimenting someone can really be the most benign conversation starter. Especially for girls’ going out clothing. You know they, just like you did 3 hours prior, spent lots of time trying on several different things to find what looked best, so it’s like double points for compliments here.
Of course we all aren’t meant for every soiree, so don’t worry about those wildcard nights that just don’t seem to swing your way. You’re not an awkward failure if you decide the crowd just isn’t for you, promise.
Class participation
Have you ever sat in class wording and re-wording exactly how you were going to make one comment to the class, going over it in your head to make sure you say it correctly? No? OKAY. So that leaves…me…alright well in the off chance that anyone else has ever had a little shy anxiety in the classroom here’s what might be able to help. I find it is easier to make your comment first, if you are really just trying to make sure you get an okay participation grade. So if right when the teacher asks for comments or what you thought, see if you can get yours out. That way you don’t have to worry about altering it in your head mid-class or worrying about what to say so much that by the time you know what you’re going to say, the class is already on a different topic.
Start small with participation if you need to, maybe for you that means talking to the person next to you how they thought the homework was before class. Once you start to feel more and more comfortable in the classroom, participation becomes easier.
Hopefully you are able to use some of these ideas in different parts of your life. And last but not least, despite popular culture, there is nothing wrong with being a little quiet!