As a double major in Marketing and English, I can tell you the differences and characteristics in each major are cosmic. I struggle going back and forth sometimes between two very different class structures and ways of thinking, although the two majors do often supplement each other. Personally, I think we could all learn a bit from the English Department. As for those who reside in Carl Wimberly Hall and write eight page papers like it’s nothing, here are some clear-cut signs that you’re an English major at UW-La Crosse…
1. What are lectures?
All your classes revolve around the discussion of a 20 to 30 page reading assignment you can’t get by not doing. You can’t imagine a professor getting up and talking at you for 90 minutes twice a week for an entire semester without your having a say in anything. The thought boggles your mind. Even raising your hand is a bit foreign.
2. 5 page essays don’t even faze you anymore.
Bullsh**ting is the name of the game, and it just gets easier with each reflection paper and journal essay. Words are your weapon (Muahahahah), and creating lengthy complex sentences to reach the minimum page length is a piece of cake. Two page essay in half an hour? No problem.
3. You struggle with anything other than open-ended questions on exams.
Dissoi logoi, my friends. Everything depends on something. Well it could be this depending on this, or it could be that depending on this. It’s all very confusing to us. Just stick to the open-ended questions. Multiple-choice makes us anxious, and don’t even get us started on true or false.
4. You use punctuation when text messaging.
You could pass for your mom or grandmother in a text message, because other than English majors, only old people end a text message with a period. And it bothers you when you can’t easily decipher somebody else’s message because they didn’t use proper punctuation.
5. You know who Dr. M. is…or you will.
If you don’t know who Dr. M. is, you will at some point in your English career at UWL.
6. You tire of hearing the question “So, you want to teach?”
You’ve already mastered the answer to this question, as well as the eye roll that goes with it.
7. You forgot what it’s like to have a mean professor.
…And when you do encounter an unfriendly professor that is a little rougher on the outside, you tend not to handle it well.
8. Your classes consist mainly of womyn.
The chances of meeting the man of your dreams in school are zero to none.
9. You have a love/hate relationship with Friedrich Nietzsche.
Depending on the subject, the word “Nietzsche” may or may not get you worked up.
10. You know everyone in your class.
You know everyone in your class, and are likely friends with most all of them. There aren’t a whole lot of us here at UWL, but between the spare of us we have quite a lot to say!