Youâve hit relational rock bottom, also known as âTinder.â Honey, Iâm right there with you, and thereâs no shame in the game. Whether youâre there to find the love of your life or some love for the night, the aim is to grab somebodyâs attention. Weâre all fumbling around, swiping in our sleep, hoping to strike gold with some nearby hottie.
But where are all of the hotties? The men out here⊠letâs just say, their Tinder game could use a little bit of help. Fellas, hereâs what you could do better:
1. The first photo
If itâs a group photo, we assume youâre the ugly friend. Always. Your first photo is your first impression, so make it a good one.
2. Beef up your bio
Nearly every guyâs bio says something along the lines of âGym. Food. Work.â Letâs try to be a little more creative because a bio like that tells us nothing about you except that you might be human.
3. Introductions
âHeyâ isnât good enough. The best opening line Iâve ever read was, âYou and I order Chinese food. They accidentally give us three spring rolls. How do we decide who gets the third one?â It gave me the opportunity to respond creatively and start an entertaining conversation.
4. Vehicles?
What is the deal with guys posting photos of their trucks and motorcycles? Who cares? That tells me that youâre interested in showing off your material wealth, which is kind of a turn-off. Unless youâre looking for a leech, leave the truck photos for your Instagram.
5. Do. Not. Catfish.
Listen, buddy, we all gain weight and lose our hair; you need to accept it. Donât use photos from 2010, it just creates unrealistic expectations and disappointment when we meet.
6. Dog photos
Honestly, this isnât fair. I cannot force my thumb to swipe left on a dog. Thatâs just dirty poker.
7. Assumptions
Donât assume that everyone is on Tinder to fuck. If I had sex with every Tinder Match who asked, Iâd never get any sleep. It just isnât practical to assume that everyoneâs goal is a one night stand.
As for the ladies who are interested in men⊠Do you ever wonder what guys think of our presentations online? I did, so I told 37 of my Matches that I was writing this article and asked them this question: âWhat are the worst things girls do on Tinder?â
(Full disclosure: my Matches are males between the ages of 23-28, predominantly white, surfer-dude-ish, or military. Therefore, the results of this experiment do not necessarily constitute data that is indicative of our community.)
Here are their answers:
âMatch,â 23: âGirls asking for my input on articles.â
That one stung a little, Iâm not going to lie.
Ian, 25: âIâm sure women get absolutely bombarded with matches and messages alike [but] if a guy has such a lack of creativity that all heâs gonna say is âheyâ or âhiâ then pass that up, no reply needed. Save your time for a dude thatâs at least [going to] put in the effort to read your bio or make a comment based on your pictures.â
Clayton, 23: âIf you ever find yourself responding to a guy with âno lolâ . . . itâs a quick way for us to not message back because itâs boring. We like to be engaged in conversation too.â
Ashton, 23: âIâd prob have to say meet up with guys they have never met pretty dangerous with the crazy people in this world now a daysâ
âMatch,â 23: âWhen a girl wants to message back and forth and when you ask to go hang out and go to dinner or something and they say no because they donât know you.â
Jd, 23: âNot swipe right on me . . . [laughing/crying emoji] lol Iâm kidding . . . I guess just poor attempts at conversation or get you to add their snap so they have more viewsâ
Noah, 22: âHate how girls say theyâre looking for a relationship when theyâre on Tinder. Like youâre gonna find the love of your life by swiping left or right, judging a man strictly on his looks . . . In order to be successful on this app as a male you have to be over 6 foot tall, have some witty bio and pickup line and the list of standards goes on [laughing/crying emoji] while you and other women get hundreds of likes, I get rarely anyâ
âMatch,â 28: âProbably the thing I like least on a girls Tinder profile is when they say something like âI never message first.â . . . it just seems like they are unapproachable.â
âMatch,â 24: âThe worst thing that Iâve seen is if they use a cheesy pick up line honestly. . . idk itâs just kinda weird I guess?â
Jay, 24: âIâm a pretty busy guy . . . so maybe for me the worst thing a girl could do is not be patient or give up on our conversation because Iâm not responding as often.â
Chandler, 24: âIf you have âI probably wonât like youâ or âIâm just here for the cheesy pick up linesâ in your bio you should chill. Men have signed off regardless of physical beauty.â
Riley, 27: âWorst thing a girl has done is catfish [laughing/crying emoji] . . . Nothing worse than deceiving photos and an awkward meet up.â
Austin, 23: âNot responding after matching seems counterintuitive.â
Jesse, 23: âThe worst things girls can do is use filters in their pictures. I understand 1 but some use them in every picture . . . How am I suppose to know what they look like when every pic has a dog filter lolâ
I unmatched 5 men after this experiment.
2 men unmatched me during this experiment.
4 men preferred not to answer.
17 men either ignored my message or did not see it in time to answer.
As you can see, the results were frequently contradictory. So hereâs my advice to you:
Just have fun, post honest photos of yourself, be kind and donât let anyone walk all over you. Donât settle for anything less than you deserve and donât meet up with strangers in a dark alley. Pull the âmy roommate just called, she has to go to the hospital!â scam if the date turns sour. Carry a condom, just in case.
The fact is thereâs no right or wrong way to do Tinder. Be yourself and youâll find someone that matches your desires!