This year we’re setting boundaries. We’re accepting only the treatment we want. We’re defining ourselves and our self-worth. We don’t need to set the bar exceedingly high for a commercial holiday, but we’re not gonna settle for less than we deserve.
Take this as a warning of red flags and toxic behaviours in a romantic partner. This should be a beautiful day of love, whether extravagant or not.
1.) No gift or act of service:
Don’t get me wrong on this one. We don’t all have money to spend on gifts. We can’t always treat our partners to dinner. That being said, chocolates are sold at the dollar store and quality time is free. Back rubs are amazing. Sex is lit. There are many ways to show you care, and on a day that celebrates this, we should all find a way to demonstrate our love and affection. Anything less is uncaring and neglectful.
2.) Refusing to celebrate altogether:
It might not be on the same day or even the same week, but it should be celebrated. It would be suspicious to refuse to celebrate something so easy and apparent as love. Any committed partner would want to find any excuse to celebrate their relationship. While not everyone accepts the capitalist weight on the holiday, the idea itself is not a bad one. When a partner says they’re not interested in the holiday and comes up with a lot of reasons not to celebrate, often (not always) it is because they don’t want to invest their time and money into something that would make you feel special or solidify the relationship. They’re simply not interested in celebrating the relationship, and we have no time for that energy.
3.) Pretending they’re single and going to single events:
Some people who aren’t in relationships don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, which is totally okay. There are ways to celebrate singleness, as you can find on Anna’s article from this week, but a lot of people will use this as an excuse to go downtown or throw a party to celebrate – even if they’re not celebrating love or relationships. When you’re in a relationship, there’s definitely room to celebrate the holiday with friends, especially double dates or just spending time with friends you love. But, if you find yourself surrounded by people you don’t know too well and your partner is buzzing around like a socialite, then they’re clearly not interested in celebrating you or your love. When parties with strangers or your partner’s friends come over quality time with you, it suggests they are not most happy in the relationship. This becomes more of a problem if you guys aren’t a new couple anymore. Surround yourself with love and positivity, from whomever you get that from.
4.) Being stood up:
This should be an obvious statement, but sometimes we make the wrong exceptions for the wrong people. There is no reason for this. People’s phones don’t die often these days, sometimes lasting for hours on end. Even in emergencies, a text is doable. Last minute arrangements are rare. Forgetting is inexcusable. Unless you know he’s deep down a great guy, don’t settle for this behaviour. You’re not worth forgetting. You shouldn’t have to put hours into getting pretty just to spend twice as long waiting and wondering what happened. Don’t make excuses for them. Move on, girl!
5.) Being with you but not being with you:
Nothing is more annoying than somebody spending “quality time” with you while spending that time constantly on their phone, texting other people, and not even telling you what they’re laughing at or reacting to. It’s not hard to want to be with someone you care about. If they genuinely like you, they’ll be interested in you, especially when making plans to be with you.
People mess up. No one’s perfect. However, it’s easy to fall into the trap of making excuses for the people in our lives who mistreat us, but we don’t want to let go of. Valentine’s is special, and both partners deserve to feel loved and valued, no matter what you end up doing. Wear that hot dress or have a pajama party, but don’t ignore any gut feelings or red flags from someone who doesn’t make you feel special. And, if anything should happen, look to our other articles on how to spend your Valentine’s Day without that loser man and with people who genuinely care about you.