It’s almost that time of the year: Christmas lights, nativity scenes, Mariah Carey and family dinners. The dreaded family dinners. There are few experiences that all women have in common, but an older female relative commenting on your weight and your subsequent food choices is one of them. It’s a rite of passage. Or at least I’m sure that’s what your mom told you.
In the age of Ozempic, it’s becoming harder and harder to exist as a woman above a size 0. It seems that society has given up on body positivity. More and more women are asking themselves whether lunch is worth it, in the righteous pursuit for a perfectly flat stomach. They tell themselves that if Adriana Lima can do it after having 3 kids, they can too. They repeat to themselves Kate Moss’s mantra: “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” With all this, it’s clear that the body positivity movement of the 2010s is dead.
Alongside the usual questions that women in their 20s are asked such as “do you have a boyfriend?”, “do you have your license?”, “do you know what you’re going to do for work?”, often comes the dreaded: “You look like you’ve gained weight? Are you eating too much?”. I mean, what can you say? “Yes Auntie, I’ve gained 15 pounds?”Maybe you think of saying something snarky like, “you’re not looking too thin yourself.” But you don’t. Instead, you look down at your plate, asking yourself if you’re eating too much or if you’ve really gained that much weight.. While you ignore the incident, those same thoughts remain in your subconscious. They emerge every time you try on a new pair of jeans or when a friend posts a group picture.Whether family members realize it or not, their words do have an impact. In fact, family is often the root of low self-esteem and negative body image (Hogenboom, 2022). This can come in the form of teasing, but also seemingly innocent remarks. Family attitudes towards body weight and size are linked to mental health conditions such as bulimia and anorexia nervosa (Effa, 2024 ). People often think that family members mean well and take their words to heart, which makes this form of body-shaming even more pernicious.
It’s important to recognize that weight fluctuates. You are no longer who you were in high school. You’re an adult with an adult body, with adult worries. Your body changing is normal, even welcome. It’s a sign that you’re growing, changing, and developing as a person. This should be rewarded, not put down. So many factors impact your weight: Genetics, cultural background, medical conditions and disability, and even your sleep schedule (Australian Government, Department of Health and Aged Care, 2021). This means that your weight is individual to you—the number you see on the scale is not comparable to that of Bella Hadid or Adriana Lima. Why should your weight define how you see yourself? I’m sure that there’s so much more going on in your life such as internships, a new friend, or making the Dean’s List. You are more than your weight.
So, how do I deal with these unsolicited comments and advice? Break the cycle! If I see a family criticizing your teenage cousin about their weight, I stop it or try to change the narrative. When someone tries to get me to talk negatively about someone’s body, I change the subject or tell them that that’s not okay. When I have a friend or family member I haven’t seen in a long time, I don’t comment on their physical appearance! While we are not responsible for cultural trends, you are responsible for your words and your behaviours, and maybe even the culture within your family.
References
Australian Government, Department of Health and Aged Care. Factors that affect weight. July 29th 2021, https://www.health.gov.au/topics/overweight-and-obesity/factors-that-affect-weight. Accessed November 14th 2024.
Hogenboom, Melissa. How your family shapes your body. BBC, August 22nd 2022, https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20220819-the-best-way-to-teach-kids-body-confidence. Accessed November 14th 2024.
Effa, Cecilia. How does family influence a person’s body image?. MedicalNewsToday, October 31st 2024, https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/family-influence-on-body-image. Accessed November 14th 2024.