Even though they are not always seen this way, women can easily be considered the backbone of Ramadan. Dishes like qatayef and mansaf are prepared every year, and they are traditions that women have kept alive and passed down for generations through their labour. Women also update these recipes to connect to the present day while retaining their cultural significance. For example, my mama makes qatayef with Nutella filling, which always makes me feel connected to my religion and culture and excites me for the month of Ramadan because of the special items linked with it.
Women play a role in bringing people together, and one of the best memories and traditions is the hosting of iftar with family and friends. Women also create safe spaces for religious activities. I see it in my own household, when my mother participates in a Quran reading club with other women in our community. After they are done reciting the passages they were assigned, they break into conversation about what each of them is making for iftar. The woman who leads the Quran circle is a mother and wife and dedicates time to teaching other women, either over Zoom or in the mosque. Only in the recent years has my city begun to allow mosques to announce the adhan (call to prayer) to break fast, and it is still not without its complaints from neighbours about noise disturbance. Thus, women creating communities living in these Western countries is especially important, as it gives them a sense of belonging in a place that aims to secularize or isolate these communities.
However, “women’s work” is often ignored by our Muslim-Arab community. Women take on the cooking, hosting, cleaning, and care of other beings, while fasting, and it ends up being “invisible labour”, which refers to unpaid work that is unacknowledged, undervalued, and includes mental strain as well as physical.
In this vein, I would be remiss not to highlight the impact that colonialism has had on Muslim societies. As literature, conduct books, and scholarship reflect, especially those written in Romantic and Victorian literature, the opinion was that women only existed for men, to serve them instead of God.
Jean-Jacques Rousseau, a Swiss-French philosopher, stated that,
“[Women’s] education must be wholly directed to their relations with men. To give them pleasure, to be useful to them, to win them over and esteem, to train them in their childhood, to care for them when they grow up, to give them counsel and consolation, to make life sweet and agreeable for them; these are the tasks of women at all times for which they should be trained from childhood.”
These beliefs, strongly present in the colonial mind, were imposed on Muslim society and then painted as if it stemmed from Islamic thought all along. An example is Mary Wollstonecraft, who wrote her famous A Vindication on the Rights of Women (1792) which rejected Rousseau’s statements but still wrongly references the beliefs of Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) writing, “For the Mahometans, not to speak of the brutal Turks, treat women as slaves, deny them souls, and shut them up in harems.”. The passage mirrors Orientalist stereotypes about Islam–of course, there is no passage or hadith (sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH)) that claim that women do not have souls.
In reality, Islam imposes that all human beings are for God, and no other human—and certainly not solely the male gender. In Surah Al-Hujurat, the Qur’an describes how there is a rejection of superiority based on race or gender, dismissing any hierarchical distinction and reinforcing that human worth is simply determined by moral character.
Due to colonial impact and the plight of women in modern society, Muslim or otherwise, patriarchy and late-stage capitalism have made women need to “do it all”. In Ramadan, this means to care for the family, clean, prepare suhoor (a meal eaten before dawn), keep up with their spiritual duties, teach children about fasting, host family, etc.
In Islamic societies and cultural norms, instead of emphasizing personal spiritual growth, women serving, cooking, and keeping house is seen as their good deeds, when that is not, by far, the only way to earn them in the holy month. The religion itself stresses balance, and Ramadan is no exception. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH), encouraged moderation, yet women still feel pressure to cook, sacrifice rest, sacrifice spiritual connection, and fulfill obligations for others.
In researching for this article, I came across a piece that references literature by Begum Rokeya called “Worship of the Tongue”. She asserts that women—wives and mothers and daughters alike—have the duty to prepare the evening meal, rather than devoting time to worship, reading the Quran, etc. Thus, men and women do not get equal opportunity to worship during the fasting month. Furthermore, Rokeya argues that Muslims have taken iftar to be feasting rather than eating. Feasting is contrary to the reasons that Muslims have been prescribed to fast, ie, their practice of restraint and demonstration of how capable the Ummah is to bypass less encouraged acts. Fast is also an experience for people to acknowledge their blessings and consider what it is like to be less fortunate, to be thirsty and to be hungry. It is also why one of the hallmarks of Ramadan is to give Zakat, which is to “give to the needy”.
In domestic life, shaped by society and colonial impact, women are expected to cook. Men expect to come home and have their evening meal prepared, with sides like soup and salad, and drinks to accompany a table laid with dates. Muslim men and children of generations past and current reject the Prophet Muhammad’s teachings, which are to help, to create equilibrium and balance, in the household, as the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) did, when he helped with household chores.
To start, Muslims should all be motivated to follow in the footsteps of the Prophet. Having cooking or cleaning be a shared task, possibly between partners, children, friends, or extended family members, can help lift the labour load. Ensuring Ramadan feels like a village of support, especially for Muslims living in Diaspora, removed from family or friends, must try as the holy month back home is typically more communal. Appreciation and time set aside for women to read Qur’an and feel close to God is important too. Mothers and wives are the figures who collect their good deeds by feeding and taking care of us, they are the hands and hearts that provide us with sustenance, and too often they believe that their loving labour is the only task they have time for. Observing and acknowledging our women is one step in the right direction, and granting them time, love, and appreciation they need to focus on their self-care, is the next.
Ramadan Mubarak…make sure to do a Google search for where Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said the gateway to heaven is.
References
Kusetiawan, A. (2025, March 10). Gender and spirituality: Role of men and women in Ramadan. IIUM in the News.
Kharroub, T. (2015, October 4). Five things you need to know about women in Islam: Implications for advancing women’s rights in the Middle East. Arab Center Washington DC.