Girls have checklists, and you’re lying if you say you don’t. What do you look for in a man? You check off things from your mental list and design a man perfect for your future. A man like this you won’t quarrel with. A man like this you won’t ever have to feel sad or bitter around. A perfect man. You still believe they exist. How cute. Now let’s cut to the chase.
They’re not perfect, and there will never be a perfect man, only a man who is perfect FOR you. Even then, the relationship won’t be perfect. You won’t admit to it, but you still expect some things that are actually not completely necessary. Here are just a few things that girls might see as deal-breakers but are actually just a part of dealing with another human being.
He doesn’t need to be friends with your friends.
I get it. It would be amazing to have your friends and boyfriend circle around a campfire, all drinking and laughing and making memories together. Everyone wants that. But what if he doesn’t quite get along with your friends? It’s not actually a deal breaker. Unless there are some actual issues between him and your friends, things that would allude to him being a bad guy, then they don’t have to get along. You like your friends for lots of reasons and you like him for other reasons. Both make you feel amazing and treat you right. You don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. Just make time for both and everything will work out.
He doesn’t need to pay for you, spoil you, or surprise you.
We all receive love in different ways – some girls love to get spoiled. But that isn’t a realistic expectation. Great guys come with all kinds of paychecks. Even the well-off ones don’t need to invest what could go to savings, school, or rent into your materialistic desires. Sure, a gift here and there is nice, but even then he doesn’t need to surprise you. Not all acts of romance are spontaneous or tangible. He can’t read your mind, however much you think he should learn to, so he doesn’t actually know how to surprise you necessarily. Not all guys like to plan surprises, either. They want to make you happy in other ways. And girl, you werk for a reason. You can pay for what you want. But it’s always nice for him to offer to pay as it’s nice for you to offer to pay for him. It’s all about balance.
He doesn’t need to prove his love to you to anybody else.
Some girls think that a man has to perform PDA to show how proud they are that you are his prized possession. First: you are not a possession. Second: if he’s with you and you are in a happy relationship, then who else needs to know that but the two of you? Couples like to show off nowadays with social media, but what if he doesn’t like PDA? What if he’s shy? What if he wants your intimacies to stay between the two of you? Not showing you off doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to – he is very proud to have you in his life. It just means that he doesn’t feel the NEED to. If you’re worried that he’s trying to keep you a secret from everybody else, then have a discussion with him about it and think it through logically; don’t assume that PDA or gushy Insta posts are the key to a happy relationship. Snapchat Stories only last a day, but you want to hold your relationship dear longer than that, right?
You won’t always come before everything.
Think realistically about things: if you just have sniffles and he doesn’t bail on his family plans to come bring you soup, then don’t throw a snotty fit. Compassion is important, but realize when you’re being too selfish. If he has plans with somebody else before you, don’t expect him to cancel them just because you want to see him. Or if you want him to bring you some fracka-lappa-cino from Starbucks while you’re at work but it’s completely out of the way, understand why he might say no. And if he really needs to study or go invest time in some business endeavor, then give him that space and time to do what he needs to do. He’s not there to serve you every time you ring the bell. We’ve all got individual dreams and we can’t abandon them for someone else all the time.
He doesn’t need to have things in common with you.
This completely varies couple-to-couple. Some love sharing music, food, travel, gardening, drinking, and/or careers! Other couples are complete opposites of each other; people might think it’s hard to believe they’re even a couple until they see them together and can register their affection towards each other. Just know that, if you’re expecting him to love U2 as much as you do, or to bake amazing cakes like you love doing, that might not be the case. His passion might be video games while yours is reading books. This doesn’t mean you’re incompatible. It just means there’s so much more to learn about from the other.
Don’t give up on someone you can have an interesting, fulfilling relationship with just because they don’t meet every one of your expectations on your checklist. Finding someone that is different from what you expected only adds to the intimacy and the growth of the relationship. Have fun, know your limits, and take him as he is – he doesn’t ask for you to change or to be someone you’re not, so you shouldn’t expect that of him either.