I started 2025 with a friend by my side; we were happily doing a 1000 piece puzzle together. Usually, I spend the night alone, but I was grateful for the company, especially since I didn’t expect it.Â
Now that we’re a few weeks into 2025, I’ve had time to do a lot of personal reflection, which is something else I didn’t expect coming into a new year. When I came back to school, I felt a certain heaviness weighing on me. It was so different from how I’d felt on New Year’s Day with my friend. I was in a very negative mindset. I didn’t even like looking in the mirror knowing that I would likely be frowning. Needless to say, I didn’t like being around myself. I don’t even know how other people liked being around me.
Then I thought back to how I had changed the first routine of the year because I wasn’t alone on New Years Eve or Day. I came to the realization that I didn’t have to keep living the same life I had been for the past couple of years. I began thinking about everything that I thought could spread my negativity and eventually I pinpointed the main three habits that I wish to reduce or stop in 2025.
Reading Between the (Imaginary) Lines
As a chronic overthinker and someone who is trying to step out of their comfort zone a little more, I tend to have conversations with a lot of people. I used to have this habit of thinking one good conversation with someone would mean that something changed in our everyday relationship. I would think we’re on the road to becoming friends, but that isn’t always the case. I’m starting to realize that sometimes, when options are limited, conversations will be forced and while it doesn’t always mean that the person is just conveniently there, a lot of the time it does. For a long time, I was super hopeful about conversations I would have with people I usually wouldn’t have conversations with, but then I noticed the lack of effort they would show afterwards. I would talk to them and they would respond, but they wouldn’t make the same effort to reach out like I would. I learned the hard way that if someone is acting like they don’t want to know you, they probably don’t, and that’s okay. I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t want to be friends with me, and I shouldn’t have to chase after friendships either.
On a similar note, overthinking has caused a lot of other issues for me in the past. Maybe it’s because I am an avid reader who likes to have annotations or questions about characters actions, or maybe I just take things too seriously. I used to get myself worked up over things that people either said or wouldn’t say because I was too busy filling in the gaps, trying to understand them in the way I saw them. I would take things too personally, and sometimes, not everything had a meaning behind it. Sometimes people actually say what they mean.
Expecting too much of myself
Last semester, I really burnt myself out. Every night, I would go home to do my homework until I was satisfied with the amount I completed. However, this was quite catastrophic for my well-being because I didn’t take any breaks and my eating and sleeping habits were less than ideal. The issue was, I wanted to do everything at once because I thought that if I did, I wouldn’t have to work so hard afterwards. But I was proven wrong, just like all the other assumptions I’ve made. Each time I finished one assignment, I would receive five more. So, I was constantly working to do the best I could academically, but I never once thought about the best I could do for myself as a person.Â
For this semester, I have created a plan that I can hopefully stick with. I plan on having a designated bed time, which will hopefully eliminate the issue of staying up later than I need to. I also created a to-do list for myself each day with school-related and basic everyday tasks, on which I allow myself to take a break. I have also been drinking water and having nutritional meals every day, which sounds absolutely crazy, but I neglected my needs for so long. I am more aware of them now since I know what problems they caused.
Holding myself back
Anyone who knows me knows that I am a huge people-pleaser, which has not served me well. Part of the issue is that I want people to like me and I don’t want to cause any issues, so I back off and I don’t stand up for myself or my opinions. I’ve realized how unhappy I feel when I do that, so instead of having no opinions and letting someone else take charge of the conversation and my opinions, in 2025, I am going to try to speak out a little more. I have a lot of thoughts and I can think of so many times where I wanted to contribute to a conversation but I was too scared to because I was worried about being judged. I realize now that maybe I was just judging myself. I need to remind myself every so often that it’s okay for people not to like me, and I think I’ve hurt myself more by not allowing myself to actually be myself, and I don’t want to continue that cycle into the new year.
Overall, New Years has always been a time of deep reflection for me, but this year was extremely helpful. Despite recognizing my flaws, I am also glad to have the time to see what I can do to change. It’s the beginning of the year and there is so much time for me to create better habits and a mindset that I would like to live with.