What I Wish I Could Tell My Friends Who Complain About Being Single

It has literally nothing to do with you. It isn’t that you aren’t pretty enough or fit enough or smart enough. You are so much of so many things. You really need to start seeing that rather than rely on others to tell you. You need to use your time being single to your advantage because if you don’t love yourself first, you will never really know how to fully love another person. Also, if you don’t fully love yourself and you feel the need to be loved by another, that can end up being a really bad relationship – either for you, for your partner, or for both!

So what’s complaining gonna do? I get making quips sometimes or even acting out at parties to try to get something that night. That’s the sort of single-person thing people expect. But sitting with your friends complaining that you’re never gonna find love is a) illogical b) rooted in self-hate (and I as a friend do not want to listen to that) c) unproductive d) unprioritized. There are so many better things to be discussing. I understand if you need to let it all out sometimes, especially if it’s really affecting your wellbeing, but usually it’s just you complaining. And that doesn’t help anybody. 

I guess I am so lucky and blessed to have met my significant other. Whether it’s fate or luck, I understand I have something that other people lack. But don’t disregard the shit I went through to get here. Don’t forget the nights I barely survived because of losing loved ones. Don’t forget my past of manipulation and emotional abuse. I never wish you to go through that, but understand that to get to a really good place, you typically have to go through hell. And I did. And I’m finally happy and at peace. So when you roll your eyes at me when I mention love and being in a relationship, then you are dismissing every hellish night that it took to get me here.

When was single ever a bad thing? Yes, it can get lonely. Yes, I wanted to be in the arms of another, and yes I wanted the deep connection I now have. But it wasn’t all bad. I got to dance with whomever, kiss whomever, do whatever I wanted without feeling obliged to make plans with someone else. There are pros to being in a relationship just as there are pros to being single. Being single is the easiest time for self-discovery because there is literally no one in your way of doing the most absurd things you want to do. This is when you get to shamelessly love the things you love. When you start dating someone, it gets awkward in the beginning because you want to be honest but you also want to present the best version of yourself. This changes once you get closer to the partner, but there is still a duration of time when you inevitably feel obliged to act more or less of something. Being single, you don’t have to worry about any of that. You can just BE. Don’t take that for granted.

It’s not all sunshine and daisies. It takes a lot of work, compromisation, fights, and late nights of worrying. You might know this already. You might not. But just remember all that when you complain about how happy couples look. How jealous you are of them. How easy their lives are just because they have a significant other. They work hard to appear and to be a certain way.

And stop with all this nonesense: