Throughout my life, people would always tell me that I was a perfectionist in an admiring tone because I was ‘hardworking’ and ‘determined.’ However, despite the compliments people gave me, nobody really saw the struggles I faced alone. Ironically, those struggles were tied to the same traits people praised me for. When I was alone, my determination turned into self-critical comments, seeing impressive achievements as failures. Despite what people told me about my talents, I felt insecure and weak for most of my life. If you identify with any of these traits, you may be a perfectionist. That’s not a bad thing. But, like with everything, there are two sides to every coin. It’s imperative that we, as perfectionists, learn how to manage stress, build confidence, and ignore that nagging voice in our heads that tells us we aren’t good enough.
Stress is something that everyone experiences, especially in the fast-paced world of today. However, as a perfectionist, stress became something that was part of my everyday reality. The enormous amount of pressure I put on myself gave way to burnout, sadness, and not being in the moment. I learned many techniques for managing my stress and perfectionistic thinking, which I think every perfectionist should remember and use. Although my combination of stress relief techniques may not be ideal for every person, I hope to offer some practical solutions to dealing with perfectionistic thinking so that you can move forward as a person that cares equally about their mental health and their work.
Try meditation or yoga practices every day.
As someone who is prone to overthinking, meditation and yoga helped to ground my thoughts. When I started doing meditation, I was skeptical as I didn’t really think that it could change my mood or stop my anxious thinking. After I did it regularly, I noticed I was happier, calmer, and didn’t beat myself up over small things that went wrong. I take 10 minutes out of every day to meditate, which allows me to approach my sleep and the next day with a clear head. Yoga is a personal hobby of mine, and although I know it doesn’t work for everyone, it offers a way to get active and focus on your breathing, making it a great alternative to meditation.
Keep a notebook and journal your thoughts.
For a long time, I couldn’t accept or acknowledge my achievements because I always believed I should’ve achieved greater things. Writing your achievements, what you’re grateful for, and other positive attributes about yourself can help you to acknowledge your strengths. It can help build your self-esteem and go to bed feeling like the accomplished person you are. This technique especially helps me when I have bad days since it forces me to acknowledge the things that I have accomplished for myself, even if they are small, like cooking a meal or taking a walk.
Carve out time for socializing with your friends, family, or others every week.
I know how difficult it can be to manage a busy schedule. However, I’ve learned that removing my social breaks from my week in order to finish assignments or work harder only leads to more frustration and worse results. Your mind needs breaks from school and every person needs to feel connected to a larger community. Taking a small break every week to watch a movie with your family, talk on the phone with your friend, or go on a run with your partner helps to improve your mood. Your family and friends can support you emotionally, remind you of how great you are, or simply make you laugh during a hard week. A break from your own mind works wonders on stopping anxious thoughts.
Write down powerful mantras for perfectionism and anxiety and repeat them to yourself when you feel self-critical.
It seemed silly to me to talk to myself when I was feeling upset over work, but saying something out loud actually helps to alleviate my stress. It feels like someone else is talking me down when I say mantras to myself, which helps to ground my mind and calm my breathing. My favourite mantras include:
- It does not have to be perfect to be good and successful.
- I deserve to take breaks for my mind, body, and spirit.
- My self-worth is not tied to how productive I am.
- Perfectionism inhibits success.
These are all mantras that I found or tweaked from Instagram. There are a lot of accounts that help with perfectionism and offer advice. The ones offered here are variations of my favourite mantras from @therapywithabbey on Instagram.
Do one activity a week that makes you feel happy.
While I spent time with friends and family, when I was alone I often spent it doing homework or working, despite needing time to check in with myself. I’ve discovered that it helps to establish a routine where you include time for yourself and your hobbies (even if it’s fifteen minutes). I like to put on a face mask, make a smoothie, and watch my favorite Netflix show for 30 minutes. It seems like a small action, but it gives your perfectionistic brain time to relax, recharge, and be happy. It allows you to see the good, rather than the bad in your work and life.
Let go of inhibiting expectations.
I love to-do lists, but sometimes, they can make anxiety more pronounced, especially if you don’t meet all your goals. While it’s important to have goals, make sure your goals are realistic, feasible, and don’t expect perfection at any time during the process. You should focus on the realistic parts of the goal you can accomplish, like setting time aside to work on a project, but never think that everything is ruined if you didn’t finish in one day or everything isn’t going according to plan. Take projects and expectations in small, realistic steps and you will meet your goals, not as a perfect person (no one is) but as an accomplished, balanced person.
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