Cheating- we’ve all either done it, seen it, or had it happen to us. No matter the situation, it makes you feel a ball of emotions. Usually your stomach tenses, your heart races and you’re seeing red or feeling blue.
I always found it difficult to figure out why someone feels the need to cheat on their significant other. If you aren’t happy, why don’t you leave? It wasn’t until a few years into college when I realized that cheating and feelings for people are not as simple as they seem.
Here we are, surrounded by young, single, attractive and accessible people all over campus. It’s like a walking Tinder. And on top of that, people still use Tinder! It is incredibly easy to access what you are looking for. A lot of college students binge drink and find their decision-making skills a little hazy. We all know that guy who’s cheated on his dear, sweet girlfriend during all you can drink Thursdays.
I’m not here to try and justify cheating by any means. In my book it is a HUGE no go. When someone makes a promise that you are the only person they are seeing, that promise sticks until they rightfully exit that relationship. But my ears perked up the other day when I was reading an interesting article by Vogue titled “15 Lessons on Love and Infidelity from Diane von Furstenberg and Therapist Ester Perill.” In this article, the two European women (And lets be honest, fashion icon) discussed their views on love and infidelity.
One of the points that really stuck out to me was this, “To have an affair does not necessarily mean you’ve betrayed the other person. Every relationship has an intimacy on its own, and every relationship has to be looked at in a separate way. If your man is having an affair with another woman, I don’t want to know. That’s their thing. I prefer to work on my relationship with the man. That’s how you get him back.” —Von Furstenberg
This statement blew my mind. It’s 100% true, but it also goes against every grain in my body. Why be with someone if you have to share? Wouldn’t it just be easier to be close friends with benefits? But at the same time, we put a lot of value in our relationships and highlight that as a main support system, when in reality we have many different types of relationships in our lives that may benefit from different types of support situations.
Another point that resonated with me was this, ““The most important relationship you can have is the relationship you have with yourself.” —Von Furstenberg
A main aspect that is often overlooked when analyzing cheating or affairs is the state of mind the other person was in. I’m not talking about how inebriated they were, but rather their current state of self-esteem, level of comfort, inhibitions. Most people cheat not because their partners did anything wrong, but because they were starting to dislike the person they were becoming, or maybe they were even losing who they were. Cheating can be a sense of grasping for control. By always focusing on the relationship that you have with yourself, you can become a better partner and communicate more smoothly.
I obviously will never be that girl that is chill with her boyfriend seeing other people just because I believe in promises. If it’s discussed before the relationship goes further and both parties are on the same page that they can see other people, then good for you guys! You are mature enough to not let jealousy rule your relationship! As for me, I never was much of a sharer.
Sources: https://www.vogue.com/article/diane-von-furstenberg-esther-perel-love-in…