I knew my heart wanted something else a long time ago but I didn’t listen. I became comfortable and content with the mediocre relationship I had with my ex. I didn’t allow myself to find the courage to let go and instead I perfected “rolling through motions.” After suppressing my feelings for so long, my lackluster relationship started to feel normal. I knew I t wanted something more yet making an active move to end things felt impossible. Now, I am not saying I regret starting a relationship with my ex because I really don’t. I learned so many things about myself, who I want to be and what I need in a partner. The only thing I regret is not letting go the first time I wanted to move on. Trying to explain to someone why I didn’t end things sooner is difficult. Trying to explain it to myself is even harder. I still have not been able to find right words to justify why I stayed. I think it’s because I genuinely cared about this guy I spent the last three years with and I was scared to leave my comfort zone rather than embracing the unknown and embarking on a new adventure of my own.
I can’t tell you how many times I have re-watched the early seasons of “The Office.” One, because I have been a dedicated fan of the show for years and two, I found comfort relating to Pam and her stagnant relationship with Roy. It was easier for me to watch her deal with Roy than to open up to my friends and family and deal with my own relationship problems. After watching “The Office” series finale in March and listening to Pam’s words of encouragement for any girl scared to make a change in her life, I was given the nudge I needed to make the adjustment in my life. That night I ended my relationship and I finally felt excited about moving on. Part of me feels remorseful that my newfound happiness is at the expense of my ex’s; but, I had put his feelings first for years so now it’s my time to shine. I feel free that my relationship with my ex is a thing of the past. Shout out to Pam! I now have the freedom to think independently, refresh old friendships and lead a life of happiness with no regrets or second thoughts.
It might seem silly and some of you may not believe that I found inspiration to change my life from a fictional character in a satire show; but, if you could see the bright, confident smile on my face now, I guarantee you would think otherwise. No matter what path I take in life, I know I won’t ever settle again. I’m not sure where or when I’ll fall in true love, but I do know that the next time I will forever follow my heart…because Pam said so!