So, you’ve been cheated on. We’ve all been there at one time or another. Although we all experience the same pain, how it happens is different for all of us — how he cheated, how you found out, the tell tale signs you ignored because you didn’t want it to be true. We fall hopelessly in love with the “bad boy” that has better words than actions, or we love the “perfect” guy who screws up and makes a “stupid” mistake. Yes, it is was a stupid mistake and even though we love these boys, when they cheat – it’s time to call them quits.
Now, while the exact dirty details of each relationship can be different, the next 10 steps of how we get over the cheater can all be identified with at some point or another.
Step One: Finding Out He Cheated
Whether you snoop through his phone and see messages or the mistress comes to you and tells you what happened herself, you eventually find out he cheated. Those first few moments are overwhelming, but depending on how you find out he cheated, you can try to keep it together until you can be by yourself.
Step Two: The Break Down
Once you’re alone, the break down occurs. It can be dramatic but falling to the floor and crying is definitely one of the better options. Own the emotion and embrace how you feel. Whether you’re sad, angry, confused or whatever it may be take the time to understand how you feel. Cry on the floor, cry in your bed, cry into your hands, let mascara run down your face, and let yourself hurt.
Step Three: The Break Up
You’ve cried all the tears you can for the moment and you look down to see a text on your phone from…him. There is no way around it – you have to break up with this boy. You scroll through the sweet texts he sent you yesterday, the photos of you guys at the Valdosta Carnival, and you can’t believe it’s really over. You promptly text him back and schedule a time to meet up and “hang out.” Little does he know what is coming. No matter what any boy says as you break-up with him, you have to get up and walk away.
Step Four: The Aftermath
It’s over…but still this boy is texting you trying to win you back. He blames it on the alcohol, he blames it on the drugs, he blames it on the “other woman,” and sometimes he even blames it on himself. You keep texting him back, feeling in control of his emotions, his time and his actions for a little while. You keep reminding yourself what a crappy person he is, but yet you revel in the glory of being wanted back because you are the one who broke up with him.Â
Step Five: You Block Him
It’s time for the social media purge. You delete the sappy tweets and the perfect Instagram posts; you change your relationship status to single on Facebook and redownload Tinder. Next thing you know he is blowing up your likes and retweeting the sappy quotes that you thought represented who you thought he was before this whole scandal. As weird as it is to not know what is going on with him, you click delete and block until he can never find you again. The urge to creep is strong but you have to resist.
Step Six: Eating Your Feelings
You did it. You broke up with him. You heard all of his excuses and you blocked him on every account. And suddenly, all of your emotions catch up with you and you find your face in the bottom of an ice cream carton. Â Don’t forget to drink some water and replenish the tear ducts that are running dry in your eyes.
Step Seven: Where Are My Friends???
Your friends are supposed to be there pick you up off the floor when you’re feeling down. They will pick you up and give you great advice like, “He didn’t deserve you anyways because he was scum of the Earth and you’re a princess.” Sometimes they’ll give you really harsh advice that you need but don’t want to hear. They’ll take you out for drinks and they’ll make sure you take a shower. Friendship is priceless during moments like these.
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Step Eight: The Hook-Up
Friends taking you out for drinks may not be the best thing if you decide to go home with the tall, dark, and handsome stranger that bought you a beer. The classic “getting under someone else to get over someone” is a move many try but aren’t actually ready to commit to. Put down the phone and don’t call your old one night stand buddy from high school. In the morning, you might regret the hook-up more than the break-up.Â
Step Nine: The Uphill Climb
Suddenly, it’s not the day after you found out this jerk cheated on you. It’s two or three months later and you’re better. You started running more to let out your emotions and you started drinking more water than wine. You stopped eating your feelings and stopped searching for random hook-ups on drunken Saturday nights. You joined a new on-campus organization, started a new internship, and even made an A on your last anatomy test. You are unstoppable. You are a strong force to be reckoned with. Looking back, you are thankful that you found out he cheated so you could become better without him.
Step Ten: The FutureÂ
One day without even realizing it, you look over and the friend that had supported you all along is more than a friend. Or the nice guy from the club who called you a cab instead of taking advantage of you is buying you coffee. You realize you’ve moved on and you have a life of your own now; a life that you’re ready to share with someone else again, someone you feel like you can trust and allow you let to down your guard down. You’re ready to begin again.
In the end, when you’re over the jerk that cheated on you in the first place, we hope you all walk away from the experience leaving it as just that, an experience. Just because you’ve been cheated on once does not mean you will get cheated on again. In turn, just because you’ve been cheated on doesn’t give you the right to deem all guys as cheaters either because no, not all guys are backstabbing, lying, cheating jerks. Looking back, you can see who you were, how you changed and developed into a woman who can appreciate and develop meaningful relationships more. We all are strong, empowered women who know our worth and what we deserve. Let’s always remember that as we continue on. We all deserve our own great love story!
HCXO!
Do you have advice you have learned from being cheated on? Tweet at me (@brokenseaglass) or Her Campus Valdosta (@hcvaldosta) with your stories and advice!
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