A Season to Embrace Yourself

The relationships in Insecure can provide us a model for how to live our lives this Thanksgiving. Although the people in the show are nonfictional, the characters show regular Black women and men they can relate to. If you haven’t watched it yet, you should check it out.

The first season of Insecure was released in 2016. The show is considered revolutionary for depicting millennial Black women’s lives and relationships in a positive light on primetime television. The fifth and final season launched on Oct. 24th, a sad day knowing we only have a few more episodes telling the stories of Issa, Molly, and several other positive depictions of Black women and men. 

Watching Insecure for the past few seasons has taught me to be my authentic and real self, even if someone else doesn’t accept you for who you are. The characters in Insecure are honest and forthright, and the storylines show them wrestling with becoming the best people and friends they can be. Here are three ways that Black women and men can always be their authentic self, as inspired by Issa, Molly, and the characters of HBOs’ Insecure.

1. Don’t Listen to Other’s Opinions. Because first of all, their opinions don’t matter. At the end of the day, it only matters what you know about yourself. Often times people who want to judge don’t even know their damn self. Most of the time people reflect onto you how they feel about themselves. They are using you as a mirror. They think accusing you of having something they dislike about themselves will make them feel better. They want you to feel bad about it, so they can believe the things they tell you are true about you and not true about them. They want you to feel that pain, and when they’ve made you feel bad they no longer have to believe it about themselves. 
2. You Cannot Please Everybody. Just stop trying to be on everybody’s good side. Even if you are the greatest person, a person who is jealous or angry with themselves will find a reason to think you are wrong. They will try to make you cater to them so they feel like they are in the right. People try to pick things about you to find wrong, just to make themselves feel better, or there can be many other reasons as well. Trying to make another person happy is just not worth it. If someone has so much time for themselves that they can focus on you and find flaws to make them feel better, that is about them—not you. Instead of trying to please others, just say fuck ‘em. Instead, look out for you. Please yourself. If somebody is making it difficult to be a friend, or have a conversation—just leave. Focus on your relationships with yourself. 
3. Know Who You Are. Because if you are depending on other people to tell you who you are, you will just be in conflict with yourself. You will fight depression, anxiety, etc. Listen to yourself, stop giving other people’s opinions too much importance. Your opinions are important as well, the most important. Learn how it feels to love yourself. And if someone makes you feel bad for it, they don’t need to be in your life.

Whatever route you choose, make sure it’s a path where you know and embrace yourself no matter what other people think. It’s up to you to be yourself. Stop relying on others to make you feel a certain way about yourself. The longer you allow others to bring you happiness, the longer you suffer. Being around family members during the holidays might be a little tough, because people feel they can say whatever they want about you. Once you speak up for yourself and stop letting other people control your thoughts about who you are, you will stop them in their tracks. 

hcxo

• confidence
• insecurities
• seasons
• self confidence
• thanksgiving