Hey beautiful ladies!
If you’ve been keeping up with my articles, the tone of them have been lighthearted, comedic or motivational. I try to keep them this way, so that I can reach maybe one person out there, possibly put a smile on their face, and give some sort of insight (it’s my favorite thing to do).
Well, this article might not be your cup of tea, but it’s been on my mind for a while. To be honest, we all need someone to tell us the hard truth. While this might offend us, we can’t get too mad when we realize it affects us.
I can remember having a conversation with my dad and stepdad about my relationship with my mom. Y’all already know much I love my mom. Sometimes, I rely a lot on her opinion to the point I second-guess myself on major decisions because I don’t want to disappoint her (trust me, I’ve disappointed her on more than one occasion).
As I’ve gotten older, my stepdad has been throwing around the phrase, “cut the cord” (basically cut the cord that once connected us so I can live freely). They’ve both told me that I need to branch out and make my own decisions because she won’t always be here. Plus, I’m at this old age of twenty-two, and I’m old enough to make my own decisions. To be honest, I didn’t listen to them at first because well… that’s my mom. Mom knows best. But also, even at this old age of twenty-two, I’m afraid of making my own decisions because of my biggest fear; failure (sprinkled with disappointment).
I’ve realized the advice they’ve given has always been told to help me navigate through life and to be my authentic self.
So, what does this have to do with you? Well, if you’ve made it this far, then thank you. If you’re someone like me who has a great relationship with a relative or even a very close/older figure, and you rely solely on their opinions to make a decision, it’s time to listen to yourself now. Of course, that’s extremely hard to do if you’re not confident in your intuition, but by all means, TUNE IN.
For example, we’re already established that I’m here and I’m queer. I feel like I talk about this a lot, but just listen. When I first came out, it wasn’t necessarily a shock, but I also didn’t experience a real relationship at the time, so relatives started questioning how authentic my stance was. I’ve only been in one relationship, and that was with the opposite sex; so how did Iknow I like women (which it’s a feeling, okay? Don’t have to have sex to know)? That caused me to rethink my whole sexuality. But see, why would I have to rethink anything if it took me forever to come out in the first place? Now I’m comfortable. I broadcast more than I should, but I’m just so happy I can accept it now.
See what I mean? Don’t just rely on this example alone, but just think about a time where you were so sure about something, and you ran it by someone (of great importance) and they gave you a new perspective that goes against how you feel. Now you’re questioning yourself harder than you ever have. Even if their intentions were pure, you started taking their advice more and more because you don’t necessarily believe in yourself. Just think about the outcome of your own decisions and your own opinions.
- If you gotta pull the rug from beneath them in the most respectful way possible, DO IT.
- If you gotta reiterate who you are and what you stand for numerous times, DO IT.
- If you gotta stand alone while doing so, STAND TALL.
Life is hard to navigate as is. It doesn’t get easier when you get older. You can’t live for anybody but yourself. I love my mom dearly, but I love the person I’m becoming, all thanks to slowly cutting the cord.
Although you didn’t become who you are on your own, you should always strive to be the person you envision yourself as.
Hope this helps! If not….then I’m sorry (per usual)
With love + self discovery + growth,
-Marissa Auriell
HCXO!