Don’t Judge, Just Listen

Friends go throw thick and thin for each other. We sing, laugh, and cry with each other. Those moments for a lot of people mean the world, but it gets complicated when you may not know how to support your friend. We don’t know all the words and maybe that is the thing, maybe we don’t even need to say anything just listen.

For some dealing with situations alone can make things more difficult due to the lack of someone to lean on. Not everyone experiences the same situations but at the end of the day, we must support each other. Actively listening to your friend about their problems without calling them out or without judgment is the best thing you can do for them. Making judgments without knowing the full situation or even knowing every detail may affect your friend in a negative way, especially when they already feel bad. 

When you come in to actively listen to your friend, do not approach the conversation expecting a certain outcome, that will make how you handle the conversation more complex and harder for your friend to explain. 

Don’t use phrases like “You will be fine” “Things will be okay”. These are future related terms which do not fix anything. Focus on what is being discussed at hand and instead say things like “I am here for you” “I am so sorry”, or just give them a hug, if they are comfortable with that, 

You should never make a conversation about yourself. Saying “me too” or somewhere along the lines of how you somehow relate to the issue undermines what the friend is saying. For example, if you have also experienced the death of a family member as well as your friend and they are explaining to you how they feel, the personal experience of death is not the same for everyone. Emotions are complex meaning that saying that you can relate to the situation makes it seem as though how they feel is less important. 

Be sure to reassure them and tell them positive things such as how you appreciate them for trusting you or that you will be there for them even through the tough times, this allows them to feel more comfortable talking to you. 

Do not try to fix the issue, especially without their say-so. In a lot of situations, people are not opening up to you about what is going on in their lives to have a knight in shiny armor but instead to just vent and release the weight on their shoulders. 

At the end of the day, be the person you want to be there for you. Be the light in someone’s cloudy day. 

“Hope” is the thing with feathers –

That perches in the soul –

And sings the tune without the words –

And never stops – at all –

And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –

And sore must be the storm –

That could abash the little Bird

That kept so many warm –

I’ve heard it in the chillest land –

And on the strangest Sea –

Yet – never – in Extremity,

It asked a crumb – of me.

“Hope” is the thing with feathers- Emily Dickinson 

• communication
• friendship
• hard times