There’s no time like FALL!!
Y’all my favorite time of year is Fall!! And there are a few things that I enjoy doing during this time of the year:
- Decorating like it’s nobody’s business!! Seriously, we have Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas all back-to-back. I literally decorate for every occasion! Luckily, October and November have an underlining Fall theme that plays into the other decorations. Technically, Winter doesn’t start until December 21st this year, so personally for me, Christmas decorations become a part of my Fall decor in late November.
- Declutter, Declutter, Declutter!! As I’m pulling out all the boxes of decorations, I take this opportunity to donate any old decorations or items that have been in my closet for the last year. There are so many people who are going without. It’s important that we are mindful of this and be willing to take a little bit of our time to give back to the community.
- And finally… I love to use this time to read the books on my personal reading list. Fall ushers in a time of year that is perfect for going home, putting on your pajamas, and wrapping yourself in your best Fall blanket while you devour a good book. I prefer books that allow me to reflect on personal growth. I feel like these books keep me balanced as I go into the crazy holiday season. While Fall is great, it’s also a time when people tend to have increased episodes of depression. I want to help you all stay mindful during this holiday season; so, I have pulled FIVE of my BEST books off my shelf to recommend as Fall readings.
Book One:
The Brightened Mind: A simple guide to Buddhis meditation By Ajahn Sumano Bhikkhu
This is a very small book, right at 100 pages. But this is nothing like the pages we are used to reading – again it’s a small book. I love this book because it expresses the need for mindfulness and spiritual education. As it addresses in the first section, most people assume we have only one level of consciousness, when in fact there are two distinct modes: the ordinary and the extraordinary. This first section will describe the difference between the two. It’s a quick read, only ten short pages. The next sections address the Universal mind, Spiritual education, Mind-training exercises and then end with a brief summary of the reading. I have found this is one of the best easy to read books that touch on mindfulness or mind-training. It teaches you how to focus your breathing and prepare your body and mind, while also providing an array of techniques. If you want to go into the holiday season with a new tool in your emotional toolbox this is definitely a great start. And it’s available on Amazon right now for under $5: The Brightened Mind: A Simple Guide to Buddhist Meditation: Bhikkhu, Ajahn Sumano: 9780835608992: Amazon.com: Books
What makes a good book even better is a Caramel Pumpkin Spice Latte! So be sure to check out the link below before you jump into the first recommended book! Caramel Pumpkin Spice Latte Recipe | Starbucks® Coffee At Home
Book Two: The Nobel Eightfold Path: Way to the End of Suffering By Bhikkhu Bodhi
This book has been vital to my growth over the last two years. I went through a period of suffering that brought me to my knees. At the time, I wasn’t sure I had what it took to continue on. My way of understanding the world around me was distorted. Understanding the cause of suffering allowed me to be aware of negative thoughts, fallacious expectations, and bad habits as they were arising.
I learned to stop searching for happiness because everything is impermanent – especially moments of happiness. Most days you will find you are content. If you allow yourself to focus on the negative thoughts, you will descend into depression. And if you seek experiences that create moments of happiness, you will bury the negative thoughts and problems temporarily. The key to healing or a healthy approach to life is to be aware of negative thoughts and bad habits, when you see these thoughts or behaviors arising, acknowledge what it is that is driving the behavior. Get to the root of your problems and stop covering them up.
This book will teach you how to apply the Noble Eightfold Path to your life. I have found that this path helps me with everyday tasks and in my relationships with others. One has to train themselves to be mindful and to apply these lessons. The only way to train yourself is by continuous use of the methods. This will make an excellent addition to your collection and you can get it at Amazon for under $10: The Noble Eightfold Path: Way to the End of Suffering: Bodhi, Bhikkhu: 9781681722931: Amazon.com: Books.
Book Three: The Four Agreements By Don Miguel Ruiz
This is by far one of my favorites! The most important tool that one can have in their emotional toolbox is the agreements we make with ourselves. Now, this goes both ways. If we create agreements with ourselves that are negative such as:
- I’m ugly.
- I’m fat.
- I’m not good enough.
- I’m not smart enough.
- I’ll never make it.
- etc..
We succeed in destroying and sabotaging ourselves. Often in life, those negative agreements we have made with ourselves are created by other people saying mean and irrational things to us that we take personally. We expect the best from people. We expect people to be honest and when people say things that are hurtful, we assume that what they are saying holds value and truth.
The fact is, other people’s words and opinions hold no value over your life and who you are as a person. Don Miguel Ruiz shares a Toltec Wisdom with his readers. He challenges you the reader to create new agreements.
- The First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Words
- The Second Agreement: Don’t Take Anything Personally
- The Third Agreement: Don’t Make Assumptions
- The Fourth Agreement: Always Do Your Best
He ends his book by sharing the Toltec Path to Freedom and shares how you can begin breaking those old agreements. I have found myself going back to this book time and time again, to remind myself of the new agreements that I made with myself. In healing from the suffering that brought me to my knees, I learned that I had to create new boundaries. Knowing your boundaries helps with ensuring that others know your boundaries. And if people violate or cross those boundaries, you can move fluidly in the direction that is right for you.
When we have not established boundaries and we have negative agreements with ourselves, it pours into our agreements with others. People take advantage of our lack of boundaries and run rampant. How can we expect anything other than this when we have never taken the time to create our own boundaries?
Once we establish boundaries, if others choose to cross those boundaries, they are telling you which side of the fence they have chosen to be on. Some people will test you, they will hop over that boundary line and trample all over your new agreements. If this happens – hold your ground and follow through with keeping them out of your inner circle. Remember: You Set The Limits. You Set The Rules.
You can purchase this book at Amazon for under $15: The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book: Don Miguel Ruiz, Janet Mills: 8601200860412: Amazon.com: Books
Book Four: The Secret By Rhonda Byrne
Have you ever felt like there was a Secret to Success and you have found yourself wondering what you’re missing? Well, Rhonda Byrne spills The Secret to everything – joy, health, money, relationships, love, happiness… everything you have ever wanted.
This book has reminded me to keep a positive mindset along my journey. You have to refuse to allow negative thoughts to have any place in your mind. The key to this secret is that you’re focused on the desires of your heart. And when any person mindfully follows their dreams with steadfast determination and a positive mindset, we can move mountains.
I want to see you all moving mountains and self-actualizing your futures. So hop on over to Amazon and pick up your copy today for under $15: The Secret: Rhonda Byrne: 9781582701707: Amazon.com: Books.
Book Five: The 5 Love Languages By Gary Chapman
I want to share the biggest secret with you. The secret to love that last. Two years ago, I was very intent on divorcing my husband of sixteen years. The four years leading up to my decision had been tough and I was holding on to more pain than I knew what to do with. The first three books that I recommended were some of the first tools I applied to my path of healing and moving on – without him.
What I learned along the way was that I never had boundaries. I had a lot of negative agreements with myself that stemmed from childhood. I was not applying the right thoughts or right actions to my life choices. I allowed my mind to run rampant with negative thoughts, resentment, and unforgiveness. My unchecked emotions were in control of my choices.
I wanted to regain control of my life
One of the last books I read along my journey was The 5 Love Languages. I wish it would have been one of the first books that I read. I wish that I would have had this book in my toolbox sixteen years prior. But the important thing was that I found this book.
From this book, I learned that my husband and I were not speaking each other’s love language. At least not as often as necessary to keep our love tanks full. During the time that our marriage began to fall apart, I was really happy, but he was not. Because he lacked the necessary tools in his emotional toolbox, he allowed human nature to take over, resulting in choices that destroyed our marriage in ways that made it nearly impossible to restore.
Boundaries were crossed- Why did I try again?
I loved (love) my husband very much. Since I first laid eyes on him when I was seventeen years old, I knew I would grow old with him. I can easily say that he was the love of my life. My best friend. And we went into our relationship with an empty emotional toolbox. He is the one that sent me this book and asked me to read it. He believed that this was a significant resource that would have been vital to our success. And while I was determined to divorce, he was still hopeful. He began to do the work long before I was willing to. I did not believe I had anything to learn. He was the one that failed the marriage, not me.
I was wrong!!
I could not ignore what was right in front of me. After I filled my toolbox, I realized that he and I were never prepared to handle any of the things that were thrown at us. We were randomly swinging at the challenges in life without the right tools. I knew that the wealth of knowledge I had acquired was a goldmine. And I knew that the key to everything was knowing our love languages.
I realized if I continued on with the divorce without applying the tools and knowledge I had acquired, I was at risk of spending the rest of my life regretting my choices. I still loved him. I just had no faith in him.
The 5 Love Languages helped me understand what he needs from me and what I need from him. It helped me acquire the language to communicate my needs to him. I have applied all of the books above to my life as I have worked towards restoring my marriage. Boundaries have been redefined, we have acquired the emotional intelligence and tools to move forward in the journey of life together and most importantly we choose to be in the moment. Not the past. Not the future. But right here in the moment with one another.
The most significant tool in any relationship is communication. I know that if either of us crosses the boundaries that we have established, there is no excuse. I can confidently say that we were both exposed to the appropriate resources for a healthy marriage built on mutual love and respect. I no longer worry about past mistakes or future fears. Neither of those has any place in my life.
So if you’re in a relationship or ever plan to be in a relationship, I highly recommend learning your love language and discovering your partner’s language as well. You can hope over to Gary Chapman’s website to take the Love Language Test now: The Love Language™ Quiz (5lovelanguages.com. And then head on over to Amazon to pick up a copy of his book for under $10: The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts: Chapman, Gary: 9780802412706: Amazon.com: Books
Remember that there are other editions of the Five Love Languages, so be sure you grab the one that’s right for you. Bookstore (5lovelanguages.com)
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