In the true spirit of Halloween, I’ve compiled a list of the top seven scariest moments a girl will have in her life. Because what’s scarier than in-laws and babies? Oh right. Having them!
1. Getting her period for the first time. The only thing scarier than that is having to tell your mother about it… then having her announce it at Thanksgiving dinner. Thanks, body. You made my mom do this:
2. Stepping onto the treadmill after avoiding the gym for months to pay more attention to Taco Bell and brownies.
3. Hearing “I love you” for the first time. Sure, if it’s the right guy we’ll eventually get the butterflies and giggles. But the initial instinct is to run. Run and never look back!
4. Having to say it back. When is the right time? What if it comes out weird? Is leaving a voicemail acceptable? Maybe he’ll understand Morse Code…
5. Meeting his mother. “Why yes, I am the tramp that stole your baby from you. And you must be the reason he thinks all women are out to hurt him.”
6. Telling your father you aren’t a virgin anymore. Did the birth control and newfound womanliness not tip you off, dad? That’s okay. Maybe we can make eye-contact again by next Thanksgiving.
7. And of course, the winner of the horror show is seeing this:
Great. Now I have something to blame my inability to travel the world on. HCXO!